You can buy T-Rex and put him in your house! –

–Luckily the answer is super easy and they should have come up with it sooner!

Archive

Here are all the comics I've done. If you're looking for a particular comic, the search engine can help you out! The comics are presented here in reverse chronological order. They are in chronological order too if you read from the bottom up, just FYI

July 2010

July 30th, 2010: this...! can't...! be...! happening!
July 29th, 2010: like most everyone with a titanic story, I made a "Britannic" sequel. nowhere to go now but to the ol' reliable RMS Olympic! and then to the alternate-universe HMS Gigantic? and then the futuristic HMHoverS Gigantic 3000. anyway, i got plans
July 28th, 2010: this summer comes a novel so terrifying you may end up in bed with terror, fully satisfied.
July 27th, 2010: what i love about dinosaur comics (AND YES I'M GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY OWN COMIC IN THIS WAY) is that most everyone is a dinosaur, so the Titanic here was gigantic ship built by dinosaurs, scaled to dinosaur sizes, and filled with dinosaurs. NICE.
July 26th, 2010: this friendship could be paying off in pure uncut FRIENDSHIP BUX
July 23rd, 2010: in other news: i could read the essays on ex-astris-scientia.org all day
July 21st, 2010: has anyone ever said "road trip" without saying "woo"? If they have, I certainly don't want to know about it.
July 19th, 2010: T-REX DID YOU KNOW THAT ANYONE CAN COMMENT ON A YOUTUBE VIDEO
July 16th, 2010: you can always tell at a glance when the devil shows up in a comic. or like, from fifty paces
July 15th, 2010: backstory: facebook was a "social" "networking" website from dinosaur times. with it you could upload photos and other personal information that you never ever want deleted, no matter HOW MUCH you change your mind
July 14th, 2010: i'm going to be the most old badass man
July 13th, 2010: to find out more about t-rex's best night ever, you'll need a much more reliable narrator
July 12th, 2010: i spent a lot of time deciding whether or not god could use the : in "answer:" in today's comic. i did all this deciding for YOU, the amazing, generous, sexually-successful reader
July 9th, 2010: Some people think that shooting energy beams out of your eyes means the end of history. Well... We haven't run out of history quite yet.
July 8th, 2010: "Explosions have been going off across town, and nobody knows who to blame. A neighbour volunteers some theories based mainly on his own prejudices."
July 7th, 2010: what's that there blocking the hallway, oh man, it looks like a big ol' pile of CONTINUITY
July 6th, 2010: dinosaur-style comics
July 5th, 2010: i think "ha ha, etc." is a great punchline indicator that goes woefully underused, ha ha, etc.
July 2nd, 2010: you can also cut out panel six for that mysterious air

June 2010

June 30th, 2010: apology not accepted
June 29th, 2010: the voice in panel two's line was originally "But my bladder is at 110% capacity!" but then I was like, man, what does that mean, is there like - a bottle somewhere? it raised too many questions for such a small panel, believe you me
June 28th, 2010: -UUUUUUUE. BUT THAT'S CERTAINLY SEEMS A FAIR COMPROMISE AS I RECALL THE CEREAL TO BE EXCEEDINGLY SWEET.
June 25th, 2010: today is "wear your dinosaur comics shirt and interesting people will talk to you day", it's going to be AWESOME
June 24th, 2010: okay t-rex's writing is bad but i am sincerely happy with the idea of the year 2000 being "the future we remember". GOOD WORK, TEAM RYAN! TEAM RYAN IS BEHIND YOU 100%!
June 23rd, 2010: it makes calls AND makes my opinions towards cellphone users inconsistent!
June 22nd, 2010: i have done some Quick Photoshop Work and determined that it is possible for t-rex to pick his nose. there. i just saved you like five minutes.
June 21st, 2010: i should put the question of whether extremely beautiful people have problems to you, my readers, BECAUSE EACH OF YOU IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE LAST, when properly arranged in order of increasing beautifulness
June 18th, 2010: when confronted with poison, don't swallow it! rather, distract your would-be poisoners with a masterful display of tooth rubbology
June 17th, 2010: tarrare's story was sent to me by a reader who said that for some reason, he thought the story would appeal to me. HE WAS EXTREMELY CORRECT
June 16th, 2010: i liked the goal where the goalie was out of net, and there was a shot on net, and in the space of a few paces a player raced the ball back and, FROM BEHIND, lept and kicked it back to safety. i thought that was pretty awesome
June 15th, 2010: the walk of acclaim
June 14th, 2010: in personal news, judging by the yelps, the downstairs neighbours have either gotten a small dog or gone insane
June 11th, 2010: panel three is a sad one for me, because i really thought there were enough nanoseconds in my life to fill up a glass of water. OH WELL
June 10th, 2010: songs listened to while writing this comic: martha (tom waits), if rap gets jealous (k'naan), around the corner (sarah harmer). all pretty much entirely unrelated, but Here We Are
June 9th, 2010: there's a lot of guessing in this comic, are you aware??
June 8th, 2010: anyway, the feeling t-rex was feeling was "shame (cheeseburger related)"
June 7th, 2010: anyway it was that guy from that one shampoo commercial they show
June 4th, 2010: ultimate baby ultimately prefers ungendered pronouns
June 3rd, 2010: can you imagine a more boring name for software than "windows for workgroups"? i'd sooner use "windows for times of lonely sorrow, 3.11"
June 2nd, 2010: if she's vegetarian, she's got a bunch of veggie burgers on the side, and she makes it WORK
June 1st, 2010: is that me being bored at a table with flowers on it, yep, yep, yuss

May 2010

May 31st, 2010: look, doctor, assuming it's at least PARTIALLY survivable, i'm going to order "off-menu" today.
May 28th, 2010: always really reluctant to remix a previous comic but in this case it involves burgers, and who doesn't never not dislike liking burgers??
May 27th, 2010: 6.0 * 10^-49 percent. scientific notation was invented after a good many years of zeros. t-rex is assuming a 6000kg t-rex body here, so your percentage is even smaller (um, PROBABLY???)
May 26th, 2010: after i wrote this comic i realized hummingbirds are basically like the movie "crank". that movie is way better than you probably think it is, but the sequel is way worse than you can ever imagine
May 25th, 2010: sorry if i insulted any non-rad fathers out there :(
May 21st, 2010: every time i do a "secret of the medical profession" comic i like to imagine a cartoon doctor pulling off her mirror headset thing, throwing it on the ground, and then hopping up and down on it. that's not true, i like to imagine that at ANY ol' time
May 20th, 2010: utahraptor, do - do you ever feel like maybe our parents could've named us all more hilariously?
May 19th, 2010: a new way of using the panels! i will call this panel layout, "the one in which dromiceiomimus recalls for 66.66% of the comic the reason why she's so cheesed".
May 18th, 2010: anyone who's immortal and reading my comic is just rolling their eyes saying "yes, yes, get on with it, this is not relevant to my interests at ALL"
May 17th, 2010: i've got 2words4u: what now
May 14th, 2010: you're such a great friend / maybe we should be kissing
May 13th, 2010: okay, fine, i'm sorry. here's an email with a png file attached; we cool?
May 12th, 2010: alright hole, king midas has donkey's ears, don't tell ANYONE
May 11th, 2010: sometimes when i write email text for the comic i talk myself up so then when people write me it looks like THEY'RE talking me up instead. not an apology, just an observation
May 10th, 2010: the universe could also be shaped like a giant thumbs up, but nobody wants to research that. confession corner: okay there may ACTUALLY be thumbs-up universe papers, i have totally never looked
May 7th, 2010: joey has an ipad, and the best part of the ipad is that it works no matter how you hold it, so often when i see joey using the ipad he's ended up holding it upside down and it looks like he's just PRETENDING to know how to read. joey comeau, ladies and gentlemen
May 6th, 2010: you thought it was just a regular thursday didn't you? YOU THOUGHT WRONG. that'll be your epitaph: "here lies [you]: THEY THOUGHT WRONG."
May 5th, 2010: today is the day to accomplish some golly gosh-darned goals
May 4th, 2010: Emily Horne and Joey Comeau and Kate Beaton are all staying with me so it is Canadian Cartoonist House. Last night at Canadian Cartoonist House we made Canadian Cartoonist Tacos and they were really good. I - I thought you should know
May 3rd, 2010: the thing with blood pudding is that it's hard to make it better/worse. it's already cooked blood, held by skin in sausage form. UPDATE: it is also tasty friggin' times

April 2010

April 29th, 2010: dude, my nostalgia's so deep that mine canaries are dying of old age before they reach the bottom of it
April 28th, 2010: panel four is unusual in that the dialogue you're supposed to read first is at the right side of the panel, but the comic works no matter which order you read that panel's dialogue in. this is because i am a MASTER WORDSMITH WRITING INTERNET GUY DUDE
April 27th, 2010: if you are about to argue that a story can be made worse by the addition of a robot suit, i would advise you to first ask yourself, "is what i am about to argue EVEN POSSIBLE??"
April 26th, 2010: Guess how many times I wrote "Picard" in this comic when I meant to write "Piccard"! If you guessed "every" then you have won this game
April 22nd, 2010: i said to joey comeau, "what is the best date?" and he said "boobs." joey comeau, ladies and gentlemen. he lives in my roof.
April 21st, 2010: this comic was inspired by a dude joey and i saw yesterday. he was walking his cat. he'd walk a bit, the cat behind him would catch up, and then they'd walk some more. i didn't know you could walk a cat, but this dude PROVED US WRONG.
April 20th, 2010: this thought experiment just got way too awesome
April 19th, 2010: before you, a shirt that says "IF YOU WERE ME, YOU COULD LOOK DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR SHIRT AND SEE A REALLY DISTORTED VIEW OF MY BODY". on the back is printed "(JEALOUS??)".
April 16th, 2010: it matches up so well that i'm kinda wondering if old-school vampire stories weren't really just jerks picking on the local OCD kid who only came out at night.
April 15th, 2010: if you think panel four is the exact panel where i lost interest in the "internet never forgets" premise, you are wrong, it is the exact panel where i cut the rest of the comic and rewrote it because it was helluva terrible
April 14th, 2010: I can buy a phone that doubles as a CORDLESS TELEX MACHINE, Utahraptor.
April 13th, 2010: "There's a direct line between printers saving a commonly-used phrase and the mental shortcuts / bags of prejudice of all the handy stereotypes of today!"
April 12th, 2010: professional-grade ultra sweet dudeness, do not aim at face, right here.
April 8th, 2010: based on the time when a bat smashed through my window, startling me from my dark musing
April 7th, 2010: this comic will appear insane to anyone unfamiliar with dinosaur comics. ATTENTION, NEW READERS: if you go back and read 7 years of strips, you'll at least know who's talking in the last panel (ps it's shakespeare) (and he is written as a SULLEN TEEN)
April 6th, 2010: oh, you'll grow out of THOSE.
April 5th, 2010: if you're unfamiliar with the concept of personal branding, it's like the personality you already have, only it's fake, manipulative, and everyone who is not in the business of selling personal branding finds it crass. OH YES I GOT OPINIONS. OPINIONS I AM NOT AFRAID TO EXPRESS IN A SOMEWHAT HIDDEN MEDIUM THAT ONLY SUPER ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT
April 1st, 2010: We've all sorts of grand adventures in this land before noon

March 2010

March 31st, 2010: this one seems kinda preachy, but i think it always sounds preachy when you're saying "hey, hate's kinda weird, huh?" anyway, i hate like three different game design choices in mario sunshine so who am i to talk
March 30th, 2010: back at u of t, the first draft of my thesis was all about "lexical compliments", and then i had a pretty embarrassing meeting with my supervisor. embarrassing for ME
March 29th, 2010: ON THE OTHER HAND I WAS ALSO 99% SURE THAT BUTTERFLIES DIDN'T HAVE PROTRACTED DREAMS ABOUT BEING T-REXES SO HECK WHAT DO I KNOW
March 26th, 2010: KLASSIK KOMIX while ryan returns from europe, from living it up with the europese!
March 25th, 2010: originally in panel 4 utahraptor said "So you're always right by being as conservative as possible!" but I rewrote it so as to not be QUITE so clearly pandering to the ultra-conservative political base that makes up the bulk of this here readership
March 24th, 2010: I saw "Up In The Air" with Emily Horne of A Softer World Dot Com, and before the movie I remarked how I don't understand women because most of them seem to like men and I really don't see what's so attractive about men in the first place, and then during the movie I leaned over and said, "Nevermind."
March 23rd, 2010: i know i'm not the first one to complain about this, but it just keeps happening anyway. HOLD THE FRONT PAGE
March 22nd, 2010: seriously tempted to end the comic after the first panel
March 19th, 2010: KLASSIK KOMIX while ryan is in scotland, living it up with the scotlandese!
March 18th, 2010: notice how t-rex only stops calling the baychimo "it" once it escapes its crew? in his books, you want a gendered pronoun, you got to have AGENCY
March 17th, 2010: "yes indeed, i hereby 'promise' to 'never get tired of "nested" punctuation'"
March 16th, 2010: poor toyota, first that huge recall and now a throwaway reference in dinosaur comics? WHAT'S NEXT??
March 15th, 2010: really happy with how "assassination" was broken up into two lines in this comic, thank you english
March 12th, 2010: sometimes you need to look in the mirror and say "my friend, i won't talk about last week if you don't."
March 11th, 2010: friendkapow, friendkapower, friendkapowest
March 10th, 2010: it's 8 am and joey comeau of asofterworld.com is asleep upstairs, i'd like to dedicate this comic to joey comeau of asofterworld.com's sleepy sleepy ways
March 9th, 2010: i wrote this comic shortly before hopping on my bike and riding off into the sunset, i mean, into work
March 8th, 2010: ASK ME WHAT DIRECTION PURGATORY IS IN SO THAT I MIGHT FLEX WHILE POINTING YOU IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
March 5th, 2010: "guys it's totally out of character that i'd ever admit to not being better than everyone else, SHEESH"
March 4th, 2010: t-rex's original fantasy was spider-man saying "oh no! now i'm more spider than man", but then i remembered i'd read that comic, they published it in like 1960, that idea was older than TWO ryans
March 3rd, 2010: kant was the one who thought genius meant originality, but kant thought a lot of things
March 2nd, 2010: head-explosion disease: curable? hopefully curable, if caught in the early stages of explosion
March 1st, 2010: first person to decode it wins a t-shirt!! then i'll put the decoded version here. GO GO GO

February 2010

February 26th, 2010: skip all the classes and ace the final, you'll feel great
February 25th, 2010: deleted dialogue: "When i die cool dies with me! Tell everyone so they don't forget."
February 24th, 2010: i am beginning to think the lyrics to pop songs DON'T have all the answers
February 23rd, 2010: i pay my insurance company "protection money"
February 22nd, 2010: when rats attacked him at night, he was all, "frig, guess i'll just DOMESTICATE SOME FERAL CATS to keep the rats away then!" NICE. alexander selkirk solved PROBLEMS.
February 19th, 2010: s/marriage/A RACE AROUND THE WORLD
February 18th, 2010: we interrupt our normal comics for a thinly-fictionalized account of how i plumb fell down the stairs
February 17th, 2010: in writing this comic I looked up what flavours fruit roll-ups currently come in, and among them is "Crazy Pix Cool Chix Berry Wave". friends, I call that poetry.
February 16th, 2010: originally i wrote "nobody knows who first played hamlet", but we do! it was richard burbage. good work, richard!
February 12th, 2010: i actually wrote this comic months ago but was waiting for aristotle to come into the comic NATURALLY, which happened yesterday due to last-panel contemporaneous time travel, it was completely natural
February 11th, 2010: oh t-rex, shouting doesn't make you any easier to understand
February 10th, 2010: too obit to quit
February 9th, 2010: after i wrote this comic i discovered that scott adams of dilbert fame suggested "but of course there are obvious exceptions" as a sentence suffix a few years back. nevertheless, i still think my idea is totally original. in my opinion, i mean, and i'm probably totally wrong!
February 8th, 2010: Attention, future generations! SORRY, WE TOTALLY USED UP ALL THE FUN STUFF
February 5th, 2010: kinda excited that someone is reading dinosaur comics for the first time today and without warning they are learning ALL ABOUT GIRAFFES
February 4th, 2010: i had to stop with the north american city names because so many are taken from native words, which were usually descriptive! IT WAS CHEATING. but then tons of european cities have obscure contested origins, and i already did batmania, australia!
February 3rd, 2010: see how quickly t-rex abandons "t-rex lane" in favour of "awesome people only: the street"? he knows which way the wind is blowin'
February 2nd, 2010: anyone who argues the moon landings were faked is someone who is arguing that bags of poop aren't orbiting around us THIS VERY INSTANT. i ask you: do you REALLY want to be friends with such a person??
February 1st, 2010: HOLY CRAP THERE'S ARCHIVE TEXT TOO noooooooo

January 2010

January 29th, 2010: this comic was... dictated to me by t-rex, i guess?
January 28th, 2010: add one to the list of "continents or sub-continents i have embarrassed myself on", soon i will have a royal flush
January 27th, 2010: i did a search and my suspicions were confirmed: the "wheelchariot" is the name of a fancy brand of wheelchair. good work, guys!
January 26th, 2010: careful readers will find a really good household tip in this comic, hint, it is in panel SIX
January 25th, 2010: in this comic, t-rex has accidentally written a perfectly serviceable autobiography
January 22nd, 2010: on the plus side, luna 15 looks pretty much exactly how you'd imagine a space moon robot to look. it's got insect-like arms and even a giant eye on the top! i rate it: five stars out of a possible five.
January 21st, 2010: Autotheism is the belief that you, personally, are divine. And by "you", I obviously mean "me".
January 20th, 2010: assuming you live in an expensive city, anyway! but if you live in a really cheap area of the planet then you may find it hard to relate to the talking dinosaurs in this comic strip today
January 19th, 2010: this comic just serves to underline how easily omnipotent third parties can unfairly present versions of events. if you're a fictional character, KEEP IT IN MIND.
January 18th, 2010: i feel this comic captures the song in comic form to the very best of my abilities
January 15th, 2010: INFORMATION; THIS IS A COMIC ABOUT SEASPEAK; OUT.
January 14th, 2010: this is the second time i've done the ol' "top three panels are thoughts from the bottom three panels" thing. that is because i am a COMIC ARTIST. not sure how those two thoughts are related, actually
January 12th, 2010: a DELETED SCENE had T-Rex going to Tiny Towne Island to help name Mr. Tusks' hypothetical son, one Tiny Tusks, Junior.
January 11th, 2010: that dash in "IMPOSSIBLE" in panel 5 was meant just to get the text to fit better, but it also works for emphasis. the written english language, ladies and gentlemen! ALWAYS FULL OF SURPRISES.
January 8th, 2010: i don't know what t-rex is talking about here. when *i* walk into a bar everyone turns towards me, each raising one hand clutching a $20 bill towards the bartender while motioning towards me with the other
January 7th, 2010: to compare, we humans have only done like 1/1250th of a galactic orbit since we first evolved: dinosaurs were around for a LONG WHILE. and yet, they never invented a single internet in all that time! sheesh!
January 6th, 2010: i got a postcard from a reader in antarctica a few years back, it remains a treasured possession and i keep it on my fridge. there's penguins on it! (the postcard)
January 5th, 2010: again, i should stress, adam and eve are dinosaurs here in t-rex's story. i think it's fair to assume than any dinosaur society would have some pretty awesome religious imagery
January 4th, 2010: in any case: behind the couch

December 2009

December 24th, 2009: ah, hyper-advanced futures, always MESSING WITH THE FABRIC OF OUR VERY REALITY
December 23rd, 2009: A false document is when you refer to or quote books and stuff that don't exist in real life, but your whole story pretends like they do. Like when Star Wars reads his electricity bill!!
December 22nd, 2009: by end of week all parts of speech will be replaced with "hugga bubba", right here at qwantz.com
December 21st, 2009: the phrase is also oddly named because it suggests the involvement, even though he didn't help, of our mutual friend bubba
December 18th, 2009: my friend eric worked at a phone survey company, and he often had to ask the elderly to tell him what their favourite gaming console was, xbox or ps2, and they'd have no idea and be completely lost, and he'd say "so hey, xbox is pretty good", and then he lost his job for telling the elderly what to think
December 17th, 2009: oh, also it can't be something illegal. you're not allowed to rob a bank because a will told you to do it. "SOCIETY", am i right?
December 16th, 2009: if the "you have to solve a crime for every dollar you receive" clauses aren't going to be enforced, why bother making a will at all??
December 15th, 2009: i locked myself out but my girlfriend came home, close call! the last time i locked myself out before that i kicked in the back door in, it was awesome and remains a treasured memory
December 14th, 2009: this comic started life as a "old web design elements: where are they now", but man, those horizontal bars that look like they're cutting through websites are clearly the best part and high water mark of that or any other possible design aesthetic
December 11th, 2009: it has a certain jee nee says quey
December 10th, 2009: remember when knowing different types of shorthand was something people bragged about? it only happened to me once; i don't know what happened
December 9th, 2009: not the ADJECTIVEST NOUNS in the VESSEL is my favourite analogy. there's so many words you can substitute in there, there's no reason to use the same one twice! it's just a perfectly excellent analogy, and i wanted to share.
December 8th, 2009: i am a very mature fellow whose interests include maturity and whose primary hobby is being extremely mature
December 7th, 2009: Congratulations to my friend Amanda McCoy, who just got her PhD! That's just excellent. I'm really happy to list Dr. McCoy among my friends, pretty sure I'll never call her by her first name again
December 4th, 2009: guys i think i made myself sad for bacteria with the phrase "those tiny lives"
December 3rd, 2009: anyway, i'll show myself out, professor!!
December 2nd, 2009: OH, ALSO, THE SENDER OF THIS CARD WANTS TO LICK YOUR TEETH CLEAN, EVEN IF THEY DENY IT, THEY TOTALLY DO
December 1st, 2009: seriously tempted to put out a whole line of these novels: "CLASSICS OF WESTERN LITERATURE: THE ODYSSEY, NOW TOLD AS IF IT WAS THIS REALLY LONG COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTING A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES CARTOON, AND AT THE END, THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES CARTOON STARTS UP AGAIN". the best part is, i get to novelize a ninja turtles cartoon!

November 2009

November 30th, 2009: openoffice doesn't have "utahraptor" OR "superduds" in its spell check dictionary. it's open source; what do i need to program to fix this for future generations
November 27th, 2009: bedbug sex is just part of the beauty of Mother Someanimalsengageinterribleawfulsexyouguys
November 26th, 2009: PLATONIC FORMS
November 25th, 2009: MORRIS I LOVE YOU
November 24th, 2009: i would call it "chez discrimination against uggos"
November 23rd, 2009: leafy greens the way brother lifeisrandom intended
November 20th, 2009: alternate endings involved trying to decide between duress phrase candidates "condition green", "condition omega alert", and "dude you sound turdly"
November 19th, 2009: cakes that are just cake on the inside: so 2009; holy crap dudes we are almost living in 2010!!
November 18th, 2009: hello, how are you? this is the comic i wrote for november 18th, 2009!
November 17th, 2009: okay, new question: let's say you can live inside any person in history
November 16th, 2009: i keep reading "love safety" as "love safely", which is a euphemism for "having sex while using protection", where "protection" is a nested euphemism for a prophylactic that inhibits both pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. so KEEP THAT IN MIND
November 13th, 2009: it was a four-way tie between "it only costs $50 bucks" and "it only costs 50 bucks" and "it only costs fifty bucks" and "it only costs $fifty bucks".
November 12th, 2009: DELETED PHRASE: "the company did not respond by press time": any phrase that can meaningfully be employed after I say "Hey, do you have any comments?" and the company says "Well, actuall- " and I say "Too late!!" is not one worth putting in your article; I got opinions.
November 11th, 2009: occam's razor OF REVENGE is very simple, entities that allow revenge should not be multiplied beyond necessity
November 10th, 2009: utahraptor used to be more against t-rex stepping on tiny women, but it keeps happening and the woman keeps coming back, so, now, he's not so sure
November 9th, 2009: despite the deaths it is clear in panel 2 that t-rex is still a bit excited about the whole idea
November 6th, 2009: T-REX VAMPIRES CAN HAVE KIDS AND LITTLE DINOSAUR VAMPIRES SOUNDS PRETTY CUTE TO ME
November 5th, 2009: sheesh maybe i'll just sit in silence and listen to my own thoughts instead, maybe i'll just act like i'm in the stone age and we haven't figured out how to send voices through the air, boooooooring
November 4th, 2009: i wouldn't use the word in a comic that was actually about the word itself, but andrew hussie adds "burglar" to the end and i am ALL OVER THAT LIKE WHITE ON RICE
November 3rd, 2009: not all dreams can come true, you may never be an astronaut, you may never be the one your friends choose to rescue them from the past
November 2nd, 2009: anyway when does tennis for two 360 xtreme come out, i have been waiting FOREVER

October 2009

October 30th, 2009: spent a long time deciding whether to write "captain crunch cereal" or "cap'n crunch cereal", in the end wikipedia cast the deciding vote when it said that "captain crunch cereal" didn't actually exist, and that the cereal and the eponymous character go by the contraction exclusively. NOW U KNOW
October 29th, 2009: a question for people who are in fact friends with someone who says "major snorefest" lightly: how do you even manage it
October 28th, 2009: inspired by the tvtropes "weaksauce weakness" page. tvtropes it great, it'll remind you of how ridiculous your body is, AND also suck up endless hours of your time
October 27th, 2009: the great things about babies is that you can never be racist against babies, because you were totally a baby once. the only difference is, YOU grew out of it
October 26th, 2009: whatta park
October 23rd, 2009: Never a better time for a minced friggin' oath than now, Utahraptor!
October 22nd, 2009: Two days ago I assured John Campbell of Pictures For Sad Children Dot Com that the vagina was named after Dr. Vagina, the man who discovered it; I sincerely regret the error
October 21st, 2009: i kinda disagree with t-rex here, but sometimes, man, he just don't listen
October 20th, 2009: history's chumps: a comic about chumps that belong to history. hence, the possessive.
October 19th, 2009: the best version of this story i read ended with the moral "some infinities are bigger than others". HOW TRUE
October 16th, 2009: writing comics like this is a bad idea because if i DO get murdered, i can just see the defense for the murderer in court saying "your honour, this apparently dead guy wrote comics about faking your own death; TOTALLY JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE"
October 15th, 2009: man, WHO KNOWS.
October 14th, 2009: so! pretty sure i'm already a dentist, doctor
October 13th, 2009: wikipedia's gamboge article is getting some extra hits today, gamboge fans are having a really great day
October 9th, 2009: there's no extra picture hidden with THIS comic, sorry everyone!
October 8th, 2009: "hey guys so look i had some extra money" - a classic "2 h" tattoo that invites sexual scrutiny while reminding us that there are limits that constrain us
October 7th, 2009: paleontologists unearthing this comic today, amazed that dinosaurs could write comics about themselves, in english, no less, finally also amazed that they enjoyed such similar tv programmes
October 6th, 2009: this one happened to me too but good thing none of those people i ate with read my comic, huh? A GOOD THING INDEED FOR OL' RYAN
October 5th, 2009: the lava lamp thing wasn't actually that recent, it was in 2004, but it has taken me this long for me to be comfortable talking about it. IT COULD'VE EASILY BEEN ME, LAVA LAMPS TAKE SO FRIGGIN' LONG TO WARM UP
October 2nd, 2009: utahraptor's hoping maybe t-rex got one of the old standby messages people say they get from god: "your religion is definitely the right one", "you personally are super special", "hey, maybe you should be out murderin' people right now", that sort of thing
October 1st, 2009: dollar auctions were invented by martin shubik, okay, so listen, mr. shubik, i like your name

September 2009

September 30th, 2009: utahraptor: the kind of guy who will sometimes fantasize about gift shoes being delivered before biting the bullet and going out to buy actual shoes
September 29th, 2009: at least they're still talking about you, that's something
September 28th, 2009: can we make a single raised eyebrow sound louder, can science help us there or something
September 25th, 2009: ironically, in panel 2 when t-rex said "that's right, i said it!", referring to the idea that some people's true selves are total chumps, he had not ACTUALLY said it, merely implied it. i guess this really just goes to show you that irony can be super boring
September 24th, 2009: followers of my @ryanqnorth twitter account will realize that t-rex's creepy raccoon neighbours have broken out of fiction and are now pooping all over my deck. man, raccoons in toronto need to pay more attention to what they're eating, that's all i'll say
September 23rd, 2009: based on the time i stubbed my baby toe and it broke and my FRIEND pat who is supposed to be my FRIEND did NOTHING
September 22nd, 2009: A.F.S. said the only reason life is APPARENTLY thriving is because nature doesn't want the death of an individual to end things forever. With enough life running around and eating other life, you can have tons more misery to go around AND avoid the danger of having the death of an individual impact the viability of life on the planet, thereby ensuring endless future misery down the road! A. Friggin' S., ladies and gentlemen!
September 21st, 2009: the red spiders are colonizing outside of their native reality
September 18th, 2009: these are the circumstances of our bet, utahraptor, you must take them or you must leave them
September 17th, 2009: maybe it's a good idea that animals don't live forever. rhetorical animals, i mean! like me and my human friends!
September 16th, 2009: I call my tale, "I Stapled An Introductory Page To The Front, And A Concluding Page To The Back, Of A Curtain Catalogue".
September 15th, 2009: we do the best with what we have
September 14th, 2009: it is built-in protection against sexiness inflation, a strong statement against the growing trend of elevens on tens.
September 11th, 2009: my friends, i just had an imagination that demands my full attention
September 10th, 2009: i did a google search for "Walter Theodore Freemont", hoping he'd be a billionaire industrialist from centuries past, but thus far it seems no parents in history have seen it fit to give their child such a name, or at least give them the name and then tell the whole internet about it
September 9th, 2009: the history here is taken from "the secret life of words", by henry hitchings, wherein "arse ropes" are described (tautologically) as "delightfully graphic"!
September 8th, 2009: sometimes a bunch of us get together and call ourselves "the smiletime gang" and this summer we all awarded each other medals that say "#1 Friend"! SORRY EVERYONE, MEMBERSHIP TO OUR AWESOME GANG IS BY INVITATION ONLY
September 4th, 2009: i once dreamed that i cheated on my girlfriend and woke up feeling AWFUL. it wasn't until i was in the shower that i actually remembered it was all a dream! the sense of relief was palpable; it was so great that i kinda wish i had dreams like this more often
September 3rd, 2009: this comic started with "who will be the first person to be murdered in space? it could still be you!" which i posted to twitter, and then thought, man, someone should write a comic about that
September 2nd, 2009: T-REX YOU HAVE MADE OUT WITH PRETTY MUCH EVERY VISIBLE CHARACTER IN THIS COMIC; YOU'RE LUCKY THERE'S A FOURTH WALL BETWEEN US RIGHT NOW
September 1st, 2009: we'll always have batman

August 2009

August 31st, 2009: if you think either t-rex or utahraptor is being unreasonable, just adjust the amount of money owed up or down until you can see their point of view
August 28th, 2009: let's say you have a giant heap of sand.
August 27th, 2009: the wikipedia page on pedigree collapse writes about "the common historical tendency to marry those within walking distance", which i find to be ENTIRELY CHARMING. you're within walking distance, baby! let's get hitched!
August 26th, 2009: ...can't hold this "i'm excited to see you, future folk" pose forever
August 25th, 2009: i wrote this comic while listening the TWO separate albums called "the ocarina of rhyme". i know mc hawking has "a brief history of rhyme"; apparently i am a big fan of the ol' time/rhyme switcharoo
August 24th, 2009: i always felt bad for the kids who'd respond with "thank you" to an insult, as if that diffused it. you still understood the intent of the hurtful words and saying thanks at least superficially indicates you appreciated it and as such works to encourage further insults; i believe it to be the worst anti-bullying tactic
August 21st, 2009: half-way through writing this comic, I realized that if dame judy dench reads my comic then t-rex WOULD, in her head, to her, already sound just like dame judy dench. niiiiiice
August 20th, 2009: if ANY ONE of these predictions fails to come true before the final heat death of the universe, i will PERSONALLY buy each of my readers a doughnut.
August 19th, 2009: Here Lies T-Rex: He's Dead, But That Doesn't Mean You Should Make Fun Of Him.
August 18th, 2009: just ran all these queries and am now relieved to be so innocent
August 17th, 2009: utahraptor is assuming t-rex may occasionally think of him as "an orange man"; it seems a fair assumption
August 14th, 2009: anyone who wants to add "Flower of Sperm Directed Onto Everything Ever" as a much-desired item in an rpg, please, feel free
August 13th, 2009: if by "kinda sucky at the best of times" t-rex means "kinda sensual under very particular, controlled circumstances"
August 12th, 2009: if you re-read the comic again with "girlfriend" you will see that t-rex has had a great dating history. no regrets!
August 11th, 2009: a better example would be the rollover from 1999 to 2000 but people got worked up about that one too, so let us Wisely Keep Our Pie Holes Shut about it
August 10th, 2009: this hypothetical book of quotations only serves to underline the importance of a trained and qualified proofreader. or a backspace key
August 7th, 2009: i got opinions, i still got opinions
August 6th, 2009: LET'S GO HAVE SOME INTELLIGENT FRIGGIN' BABIES! LATER ON ONE OF THEM MIGHT BLOW UP A ROCK IN SPACE
August 5th, 2009: this is also my theory on webcomics: webcomics help to show people who don't like comics that the medium isn't just batman and archie and newspaper strips! GO TEAM COMICS ON THE INTERNET. ALSO I LIKE BATMAN; FURTHER, JUGHEAD CERTAINLY HAS HIS MOMENTS
August 4th, 2009: this comic allows you to almost pinpoint the point where the "let us" experiment ended for t-rex

July 2009

July 31st, 2009: followers on my ryanqnorth twitter account already know that i would buy "horse game 64"; now they know t-rex would buy it too. THE JOYS OF TWITTER
July 30th, 2009: three worse reasons for donating sperm than the sense of mystery: "i was told there would be pizza", "my freezer at home is just about full", "well, the apartment's already rotten with the stuff anyway"
July 29th, 2009: they are the wipes that mime the hand of a clock passing a full cycle. they're - they're the best wipe. star wipes are for chumps
July 28th, 2009: you may not like this comic, but your kids are gonna love it. IF YOU BRING THEM UP RIGHT
July 27th, 2009: by my calculations, even a randomly-chosen predictive bet is 99.999% more likely to turn out to be true in the year 2019 than t-rex's Dialup Boner Euphemism
July 24th, 2009: i can hear jenn is downstairs watching a morning show on tv and i'll tell you this: i could do a better morning show, an sleepy dog could do a better job. in fact, that's an awesome idea, let's have morning shows that are just shorts of puppies yawning and blinking and stumbling around as they wake up, OH MY GOODNESS
July 23rd, 2009: how could i mention "teri hatcher" and not mention dean "sugar" cain, who starred as superman? um obviously i couldn't! oh, sugar cain.
July 22nd, 2009: thank you, 19-minute version of "lady madonna" by the rose hill junior high school jazz ensemble, for giving me something to listen to a few times while i wrote this here internet comic
July 21st, 2009: we say "let's party!!" all the time, it is time to admit it
July 20th, 2009: i used "hakeem" so that all the hakeems in the audience will be startled!!
July 17th, 2009: did you know that PROFESSION MEMBERS do it IN A WAY INDICATIVE OF SOME ASPECT OF THEIR PROFESSION
July 16th, 2009: this also works for batman and mickey mouse, but seriously, who goes around referencing mickey mouse, nobody, that's who
July 15th, 2009: midway through this comic i had to do a search to see if people actually said "beach bunny". the more i thought about it the more it seemed entirely plausible i'd invented this ridiculous phrase.
July 14th, 2009: BOTTOM LINE: it is almost 2010 and i know everyone has mentioned this already, but a personal jetpack in 2010 would - well, it would be REALLY nice.
July 13th, 2009: t-rex your theory is pretty basic and seems entirely plausible
July 10th, 2009: spell "prescriptivizm" with a 'z', okay
July 9th, 2009: i've mentioned this oxygen molecule death before, but i feel the people must be informed. only just now i looked it up and SCIENCE says that it takes a few minutes to suffocate in a vacuum, so you wouldn't die instantly if you were this cosmically unlucky chap to have all the oxygen randomly bounce away from him! awesome, man, that's one life fear assuaged
July 8th, 2009: fill in your own name
July 7th, 2009: stephen hawking says a lot of things! anyway most of them i am incredibly underqualified to judge
July 6th, 2009: so yeah i'm experimenting with "totes" by having fictional characters say it for me first
July 3rd, 2009: THESIS: everything gets better if we all pretend we're batman. assuming we all share the exact same sense of right and wrong, i mean, obviously
July 2nd, 2009: earlier versions of this comic had her team up with that self-interested aquatic vertebrate, the selFISH, but then i thought "wait what the heck am i doing"

June 2009

June 30th, 2009: katy is super tolerant
June 29th, 2009: time for me to starting saying "no doubt!" instead of "yes"
June 26th, 2009: not too late to go back and change things
June 25th, 2009: seriously who do you talk to about becoming a spy, i mean the romanticized kind that gets to meet a lot of pretty ladies in the course of business, in any case my email address is public, i look forward to hearing from you in the fullness of time
June 24th, 2009: utahraptor you can definitely make it win a few pulitzers, okay?
June 23rd, 2009: every time someone bikes by me and shouts out a compliment i'm all, "friends for life!"
June 22nd, 2009: Folks I Will Never Be Friends With, also known as Folks Who Will Never Get To Be Friends With Me, And I Like This Title Better, Because It Suggest My Friendship Is A Much-Valued Prize
June 19th, 2009: i was stuck on this comic for a while until i asked myself "wait! how DO you defeat a superintelligent ai?" and THEN i remembered how!
June 18th, 2009: it is very convenient for me that "species" is its own plural
June 17th, 2009: i've a degree in computational linguistics, so i speak with authority when i say "this is a bold new approach to the problem of NLP, and i have never encountered another paper which comes close to exploring this brave and exciting new vista"
June 16th, 2009: this works for a bunch of other sayings too! "if the shoe fits, die in front of your tv set", "those who cannot remember the past are condemned to die in front of their tv sets", "elvis has left the building, so we should all just die in front of our tv sets"
June 15th, 2009: t-rex is saying he's better than ever because when he was down south he got a rejuvenating mineral bath and is determined to believe that it was worth it, did you know that all this backstory and more goes into every comic only to be ruthlessly cut
June 12th, 2009: guest week 2009: andrew hussie of ms paint adventures!
June 11th, 2009: guest week 2009: michael firman of moe!
June 10th, 2009: guest week 2009: zach weiner of saturday morning breakfast cereal!
June 9th, 2009: guest week 2009: ben driscoll of daisy owl!
June 8th, 2009: guest week 2009: carly monardo of whirring blender!
June 4th, 2009: where are the hindus with their "there's probably many gods. now stop worrying and enjoy your lives." buses? WHERE??
June 3rd, 2009: my fare lay dee
June 2nd, 2009: feelin' bad about the limitations of my non-super tear ducts :~(
June 1st, 2009: i am not intending to produce this t-shirt for i know, in my heart of hearts, that none of my readers are ACTUALLY mama's suckiest boys

May 2009

May 29th, 2009: this comic at one point was about t-rex's womanliest woman, the venus to his mars, the muliebrity to his virility
May 28th, 2009: cetirizine hydrochloride works well at minimizing the symptoms of being incapacitated by the sperm cells of plants, PRO TIP
May 27th, 2009: some readers get a double dose of raggin' on fahrenheit. thanks sam for inspiring this comic!
May 26th, 2009: later on t-rex is like, whatever man, my neck flaps look awesome, screw all the hatahs
May 25th, 2009: "ryan north died today. he was the guy who put the words in the dinosaur mouths. man, remember them?"
May 22nd, 2009: LATER: t-rex's decides if he names his kid "t-rex jr." it will be pronounced "t-rex jay arr" and he will be the one that insists upon it
May 21st, 2009: okay so i have had that "man held prisoner by robots" image scanned and waiting since the week after i started dinosaur comics
May 20th, 2009: wrote this comic while listening to sound of water dripping and a door creaking, thought it was amazing music then realized it was hallowe'en sfx reel i downloaded last year and never used, living with no regrets
May 19th, 2009: t-rex is wrong: a google search for "He's an A+ number one writer dude" returns zero results, with or without references to shakespeare. UNTIL NOW
May 18th, 2009: QUANTUM EROTICA is not only a great concept, it's is also a great name for someone. feel free to use it and remember changing your name is only a matter of a few forms and a couple'a bucks
May 14th, 2009: turbellaria flatworms you better not be fighting in there! oh. oh my goodness.
May 13th, 2009: on the plus side, there WAS a time in our history when we all walked around threatening to pheeze each other. that's somethin'!
May 12th, 2009: please nobody who reads my comic break up today!! okay sweet
May 11th, 2009: this comic was made for the comics festival book for free comic book day 2009! it was an all-ages book so t-rex's "heck no" line was altered from "FRIG, WHAT DO YOU FRIGGIN' THINK??"
May 7th, 2009: TRUE FACTS: there was a duke3d ladder, and i was really good - in the worldwide top 50! i thought i was really somethin' else until i saw a video of the top two players in a match, and it was clear to me i would never get to that level.
May 6th, 2009: i'm not making fun of the devil. anyone to get 10 billion points in arcade nibbler is amazing and probably supernatural
May 5th, 2009: MORE ON TATTOOS FROM THE GUY WHO WILL ONLY GET ONE WHEN HE HAS CONSIDERED THEIR SIGNIFICANCE FROM ALL POSSIBLE ANGLES
May 4th, 2009: i'm the handsome one
May 1st, 2009: this is me shamelessly appealing to the digging-ditches-and-hating-it part of the audience

April 2009

April 30th, 2009: i guess there's not much science fiction where time travel is facilitated by, you know, god
April 29th, 2009: add a few Is each time you do it
April 28th, 2009: i can set my calendar by it. "oh, i could kinda go for some fried chicken. i last pigged out on it in april, so what is this - september? it's probably september."
April 27th, 2009: i am a man who enjoys eating a barbequed anything now and again
April 24th, 2009: dromiceiomimus you are the most patient dinosaur of all
April 23rd, 2009: i was going to do the myth of medusa, but she's basically king midas with stone instead of gold and the male gaze instead of touch. you heard it here first.
April 22nd, 2009: they were called "oh's" and just try to track down an o-shaped cereal that is called "oh's". i cannot imagine a more crowded namespace
April 21st, 2009: I am realizing that a good 50% of cards could conclude with "anyway i felt bad, so here's a card." the other 50% are the happy cards, so they can end with "anyway i felt GOOD, so here's a card, i guess"
April 20th, 2009: YOU ARE SPECIAL: a "web" "card"
April 17th, 2009: who didn't need to consult a faq for the warp whistle location? ME, THAT'S WHO. take THAT, everyone else who would've had to consult a faq under similar circumstances
April 16th, 2009: i did a search and nobody is calling bad baloney "failoney". what the heck, internet, you shouldn't need me to think up these permutations for you
April 15th, 2009: gary please to be getting your doctorate
April 14th, 2009: alternate last panel: t-rex thanks god for his friendship and god says "thank YOU, t-rex" and then there's an extra panel where t-rex says "who says conflict is a necessary part of any narrative? NOT ME, BITCHES"
April 9th, 2009: another good business card in the first two panels!! i am a business card MACHINE
April 8th, 2009: now HERE is a first two panels business card
April 7th, 2009: welcome to "idio" theme week, here at chewbac.ca
April 6th, 2009: you know how friday's comic was all about power ballads? I AM STILL LISTENING TO POWER BALLADS AND HAVE NO REGRETS (ABOUT POWER BALLADS)
April 3rd, 2009: "cutting crew" has died tonight. in your arms. in their dying breath, they speculate that it was something you said.
April 2nd, 2009: i'm not looking to blame. i just want to talk to whoever's doing it.
April 1st, 2009: anyway i'm off to the chocolate factory!! LATER SUCKERS

March 2009

March 31st, 2009: the first draft of this comic had the wrong "who's" in it. I KNOW.
March 30th, 2009: am i to understand the operating room also has something dangerous that can be laughed at AND a business card printing machine? because if so that is an operation room that is very convenient in some very unexpected ways
March 27th, 2009: my brother and i came up with zombie-themed fresh prince of bel-air lyrics last night, but the only real standout was "i got one little bite and my mom got scared"
March 26th, 2009: anyway. turns out that t-rex is ACTUALLY mad at a wide cross-section of history
March 25th, 2009: i was going to tell you the hapax legomenon i found in dinosaur comics so far, but if i did so it would no longer be the case. it would become a self-unfulfilling prophecy!
March 24th, 2009: puppyocracies OH MY GOODNESS WHO HAS THE BALANCE OF POWER AND SUCH A CUTE LITTLE NOSE
March 19th, 2009: for those not keeping track of t-rex's nicknames for his fists, they run as follows: knuckles and chuckles; rocco and choco: the twins! who! punch!; the chinese buffet; geraldine and geraldina; and now, plans b through c.
March 18th, 2009: i call this comic, "the one i wrote wednesday morning, shortly after chartering a helicopter ride for two"
March 17th, 2009: i wrote this whole comic before actually thinking to check that st. patrick lived before the 1200s. turns out he lived from around 387 AD to 461 AD! thanks, st. patrick! YOU SAVED ME FROM HAVING TO SCRAP A COMEDIC PREMISE
March 16th, 2009: if i get audited in the future i'm blaming this comic SO HARD
March 13th, 2009: If anything, we can say that lasting peace is rare. But over and over throughout history, just when it appears to be within reach, we seem to collectively shrug our shoulders and say, "Naw, forget it."
March 12th, 2009: TWO WAYS TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS. just two.
March 11th, 2009: my father wanted a comic about this for his birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD.
March 10th, 2009: He has "hung a lampshade" on it, if you will, allowing us all to move on. Good job, Shakespeare! Once again you have saved the play
March 9th, 2009: "i've saved $3.55 in my life. $3.55 in 80 years. :0"
March 6th, 2009: now you never have to admit that you've never committed any poems to memory! YOU JUST DID
March 5th, 2009: this comic establishes in continuity that t-rex refers to his fingers as "pinkie" and "thumb". so um, neither name makes a lick of sense
March 4th, 2009: dudes why are there no cyborgs yet. come on, dudes.
March 3rd, 2009: in undergrad i was batman against parking tickets. i can't tell you how; you'll all just have to accept it as the truth, okay?
March 2nd, 2009: t-rex is talking into his audio diary. or to his mirror. or to morris?

February 2009

February 27th, 2009: comics in which hurtful editing is used against t-rex :(
February 26th, 2009: CORPORATE verbing weirds language
February 25th, 2009: it took a few tries to find a domain name like businesssuccessislifesuccess.com that wasn't already taken by some terrible person that i hope to never run into at a party
February 24th, 2009: hey, all the bill petersons out there in the world who read my comic and who are coming to terms with their lives! assuming you exist, big ups!!
February 23rd, 2009: this comic continues the series of "comics in which immigration is used as a way to segue to robocop" found irregularly peppered throughout the historical record
February 20th, 2009: here i am assuming that the amount of radiation needed to kill a human (10 Gy) is the same as the amount needed to kill a dinosaur. IF SCIENCE PROVES ME WRONG I WILL BE THE FIRST TO APOLOGIZE, AND THEN I WILL SAY, HEY WHERE DID YOU GET THAT DINOSAUR
February 19th, 2009: it's way cuter if mr. tusks does it. 'excuse me, but the inside of your mouth looks a LITTLE dry', he says. aww! mr. tusks!
February 18th, 2009: TINY BATMAN HEAD APPEARS COURTESY OF DC COMICS, WHO INVENTED HIS ENTIRE BODY ALSO ACTUALLY
February 17th, 2009: one day i'll write a comic like this and get a visit from the government, and the government will say, hey, how did you know about our listening device? and then the government will say, hey, we read your comic. we're big fans. keep it up, ryan.
February 13th, 2009: guys valentine's day is TOMORROW! if you're single, holy crap time is running out!!
February 12th, 2009: someone monitoring my google searches today would find "where are darwin's remains", "where is darwin buried", "how long does it take a skeleton to decay", and "okay but what if it was near an anthill though"
February 11th, 2009: it's also the universe where t-rex puts asterisks in conversation. it's a two-in-one
February 10th, 2009: today is the day my ms word spell check evolved the ability to hate
February 9th, 2009: the real murderer was you, the reader. nice going.
February 6th, 2009: don't call us "the contamination". just call us "the other", and respond to us accordingly, i guess
February 5th, 2009: wikipedia says secrets are in our biology, and that sexual reproduction allows us to SECRETLY share genetic improvements without sharing them with the rest of the community. oh, wikipidia. sometimes - i just don't know, wikipedia.
February 4th, 2009: over two years ago i had a comic that ended with "warning: the preceding erotica was extremely sexually charged". I SAY THIS IS DIFFERENT ENOUGH TO STILL BE FUNNY. I LAUGHED. I LAUGHED AT MY OWN JOKE. YOU CAN TOO IF YOU WANT???
February 3rd, 2009: the gift-givers were like, "SERIOUSLY?? ALL YOU HAVE ARE NASEEM BALLOONS? FRIG. I'LL TAKE *ONE*"
February 2nd, 2009: to my knowledge there are no helicopter pilots who have married poorly who read my comic. if you are one, then hopefully by "married poorly" you just mean "the wedding itself was ridiculous, strictly amateur hour"

January 2009

January 30th, 2009: all i know is someone did a yocto-assed job on this here McChicken with cheese
January 29th, 2009: i've eaten so many friggin' animals!! i've eaten ALL the friggin' animals.
January 28th, 2009: AND BY "RELIGION" I MEAN "CHRISTIANITY"
January 27th, 2009: hey everyone, remember xtreegold? man i have been on, like, a 24-hour xtgold nostalgia bender
January 26th, 2009: if this were the last dinosaur comic ever, it would be exactly the same, except the last panel would be replaced with t-rex's painting
January 23rd, 2009: astute readers will notice that t-rex has travelled through time on many occasions. just sayin'!
January 22nd, 2009: it's only plagiarism if you write "plagiarism: the final frontier" and then you have a li'l footnote saying "i totally wrote every word of that, SCREW GENE RODDENBERRY"
January 21st, 2009: WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE AFTERLIFE, AMIRITE? SOMEBODY SHOULD GET ON THIS
January 20th, 2009: the sequel is "The Pedestrian Who Was Dropping His Pants While Also Dropping A Barf"
January 19th, 2009: you could have all these slogans printed on one shirt, but that is a very busy shirt.
January 16th, 2009: red! red!! WIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE
January 15th, 2009: what you need to imagine here is an english lit prof in tweed with a case of the righteous punches
January 14th, 2009: it's like turtles with mutagen. it happens in seconds!!
January 13th, 2009: don't tell anyone else though, okay?
January 12th, 2009: statistically it's likely that someone reading this comic was playing chess with someone and they had a heart attack and died. I HOPE YOU ARE ABLE TO LAUGH AT THESE CIRCUMSTANCES NOW; OTHERWISE I WILL FEEL LIKE QUITE THE HEEL
January 9th, 2009: spellcheck wants to tell me that "fussin'" and "a-feudin'" aren't words. this is why spellcheck and i can't get married. there are other reasons.
January 8th, 2009: t-rex has become a counselship relationer.
January 7th, 2009: when i'm an old man and my license is about to expire, the last time i go driving i'm going to be SO DANG INCONSIDERATE
January 6th, 2009: let's get off the reproduction treadmill. also, let's go get some whoppers with cheese. maybe we can do both, is my thinking
January 5th, 2009: t-rex's "screw those guys, man" phrase discriminates against women twice in one sentence! what's the deal, t-dogg?
January 2nd, 2009: if i eat the flesh of my enemies, can i turn them into my brains, and thus have their OWN BODY think my thoughts, and those thoughts will be "ha ha ha AWESOME"?

December 2008

December 23rd, 2008: Daffy Duck the daffy duck
December 22nd, 2008: can someone update t-rex's wikipedia page to say that in the past, he has kissed up wikipedia? don't explain it any more than that, okay
December 19th, 2008: utahraptor's being generous. the profile actually had the spouse interest written down as "spuoses"
December 18th, 2008: remote-controlled cars: just as awesome as world peace? you all nodded in agreement when you read that, don't even lie
December 17th, 2008: sometimes people ask me "what is dinosaur comics about?" and sometimes all i can say is "about six panels, i'd say"
December 16th, 2008: hilarious double-entendre in panel 5 alert! allow me to be the first to say, 'tee hee, boners'
December 15th, 2008: LATER: T-REX'S HOUSE IS NEVER DISCOVERED AND ALL THAT HE ACCOMPLISHED TURNED TO DUST :o :o :o
December 12th, 2008: can you believe i wrote this whole comic before i thought of the phrase "holy ghost"? i can. I JUST LIVED IT!!
December 11th, 2008: because in wars if you fight for too long then you become your enemy, remember
December 10th, 2008: i realized after writing it that you can read this comic as being prejudiced against disability, seniors, alcoholics, insomniacs, arthritics, people with skin cancer, the suicidal, the diseased and the dead. so um, please don't do that?
December 9th, 2008: that fruit stand / car chase thing is pretty awesome. you'd be forgiven for thinking that it was all downhill from here after doing that.
December 8th, 2008: i'm not putting another god before you! i'm putting you and all other gods in a line, EQUALLY.
December 5th, 2008: so hey another fun thing about a body farm would be that if you have a friend who drinks too much and passes out, you could leave him in the body farm so that when he wakes up he would say "man, what did I get up to last night? OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD"
December 4th, 2008: ATTENTION LINGUISTS! i do wince every time I use words derived from "anthropology" in my comic, but i don't really have another word to reach to :(
December 3rd, 2008: FUN FACTS: anyone who asks for a prorogue today is a weinerhead?
December 2nd, 2008: gravity is a property of matter. bill! bill! bill! bill bill bill bill nye, the science guy.
December 1st, 2008: i'm sassy AND classy

November 2008

November 27th, 2008: i am thinking of writing a comic about the Midas Flesh, can you tell
November 26th, 2008: in translating shakespeare's lady macbeth sleepwalking scene into modern cadence, i added an extra exclamation mark. read into that what you will!!
November 25th, 2008: in one stage of writing, this comic ended with t-rex meeting an unhealthy, unlucky, bad-decision making puppy. but it was TOO SAD, YOU GUYS!!
November 24th, 2008: dear audio diary! this afternoon was that library thing, but this EVENING found me playing paddycake with a monkey. nice.
November 21st, 2008: i found a terrible website, left undisturbed for years, yet the last update promised more new content soon. it seemed as if the author was spirited away mid-keypress. as i investigated, i was startled to discover the server was STILL WARM TO THE TOUCH
November 20th, 2008: t-rex, we're involved in a high-stakes game of 'chicken'
November 19th, 2008: see i what i did there? i referenced dr. mccoy's folksy racism
November 18th, 2008: "I had my first dream of flying and it was GREAT. I flew over cities, towns AND rivers"
November 17th, 2008: the more i think about this comic the less it makes sense
November 14th, 2008: utahraptor and t-rex have finally achieved kryptonite bullet level friendship
November 13th, 2008: totally tempted to just end this comic at panel 2, and THEN, go buy myself a cake
November 12th, 2008: PERHAPS I CAN DISCOVER A WAY TO TAKE IT WITH ME
November 11th, 2008: god is missing the fact that someone might draw a dinosaur riding a nuclear bomb and waving a cowboy hat! that sounds like fun times maybe!
November 10th, 2008: labour day is giving you the bedroom eyes. listen, come into our store. you need to sex up labour day.
November 6th, 2008: Science has drugged participants in this game with intranasal oxytocin, which increases generous offers by 80% relative to a placebo! thanks, intranasal oxytocin! i hear you're also useful in childbirth
November 5th, 2008: comics in which a dinosaur wants to develop part of a parrot's skillset! on the INTERNET
November 4th, 2008: HEY AMERICANS! PLEASE VOTE FOR SOMEONE AWESOME TODAY?
November 3rd, 2008: ROAD RAGE! BICYCLE STYLE!!!

October 2008

October 31st, 2008: alternate ending: t-rex dresses up as a guy from three years ago dressed up as a guy from three years in the future! he walks around saying "what is this strange new world of the very near future? why, it's quite as i might have imagined."
October 30th, 2008: if you didn't recognize any of the product slogans in this comic, YOU ARE STILL FREE! RUN! TELL THEM MY STORY.
October 29th, 2008: except for the fact that bad things happen to good puppies. :(
October 28th, 2008: i used the leibniz thing before in a post beneath the comic about how melbourne, australia was almost called batmania, australia, but i don't save those and anyway i decided that WAY more people need to know about places named batman
October 27th, 2008: when you notice these things happening, it's good to point them out.
October 23rd, 2008: cut dialogue had t-rex being all, "'prejudice' is a boring word used by guidance counsellers and human resources managers. RACISM is an exciting word used by yellow journalists and tabloids!" and then utahraptor was all, "yellow journalists, huh?"
October 22nd, 2008: "the wagon is sadness and my mode of transportation" would be a great title for an autobiography you guys
October 21st, 2008: i really respect the team at illegalsigns.ca. they spend so much time going through the legal process to get these billboards removed, which must be frustrating! i would have gone batman on the signs SO LONG AGO
October 20th, 2008: if an asteroid strikes the planet i am going to feel real bad about makin' fun
October 17th, 2008: guest week 2008: randall munroe of xkcd!
October 16th, 2008: guest week 2008: anthony clark of nedroid!
October 15th, 2008: guest week 2008: kate beaton of kate beaton's comics!
October 14th, 2008: guest week 2008: john campbell of pictures for sad children!
October 13th, 2008: guest week 2008: david malki ! of wondermark!
October 10th, 2008: this is easier in photographs
October 9th, 2008: lots of folks emailed me saying "what about widows and widowers? there's a relationship that didn't end in a breakup" and so, um, the deal is, i forgot about them? which makes me a horrible person? and i'm not really comfortable making jokes about it?
October 8th, 2008: shouts out to all the forrests and forests who emailed me yesterday with their stories. i wish they could have made him a sexy double agent instead too.
October 7th, 2008: the dinosaur comics timeline takes another hit in this comic
October 6th, 2008: based on this time in grade six where i thought i was really something
October 3rd, 2008: also! dromiceiomimus! it's awful bright at 3 am where you live.
October 2nd, 2008: british readers: wikipedia tells me that you call the telephone game "chinese whispers". that's racist, british readers. that's racist, wikipedia.
October 1st, 2008: I know it can be seen as an insult but it's just such a cute word that I can't see anyone being insulted. Oh, Fubs!

September 2008

September 30th, 2008: when someone stubs their toe in metropolis, there's got to be some level that blames superman
September 29th, 2008: ah, the dream of being a jerk while having a doctor's note saying it's allowed
September 26th, 2008: the pebble was actually found in an australopithecine cave, so it may have been discarded before the dude died, left behind, untouched and alone and forgotten for millions of years. QUESTION: IS THIS VERSION OF EVENTS MORE OR LESS MAUDLIN
September 25th, 2008: what movies did t-rex see that were so terrible? why, the same two movies that YOU hate the most! oh my god! t-rex is So Relatable!
September 24th, 2008: this comic began as the "if you could have a lifetime supply of something" comic with god from last week, but then when i was rewriting that one this comic popped out instead! so i held onto it and finally came up with the last panels today TRUE STORY
September 23rd, 2008: the last panel is directed to the crowd across the street that gathered in anticipation of just such an awkward moment
September 22nd, 2008: i went to my cousin's wedding this weekend and it was lovely. there were no hookups AND my cousins and i snuck up onto the roof! thank you for inviting me to your wedding, ginny
September 19th, 2008: YES!! YES, LET'S DO THAT! HOLY CRAP. HOLY CRAPS!
September 18th, 2008: astute readers will notice that t-rex himself has gone back in time on several occasions. why doesn't HE use time travel to solve all his problems? the explanation is: there are reasons? and they are - undisclosed reasons?
September 17th, 2008: man, they're out of cheerios at the grocery store? FRIGGIN' MONOTHEISM
September 16th, 2008: attention, readers! in retrospect, i'm not even sure if bears do it.
September 15th, 2008: we all have different tastes, but what if we all share the same as-yet-undiscovered supertaste? what then? WORLD PEACE BROKERED THROUGH A SHARED APPRECIATION OF A SINGLE SONG?? A SINGLE INDIVIDUAL WHO HATES THE SONG FEELING PRETTY FRIGGIN' EXCLUDED??
September 12th, 2008: "taxes. what are taxes? we just don't know."
September 11th, 2008: every time i mention clothes in the comic i worry i undermine its central conceit (NAKED DINOSAURS LOL OGC LOL?)
September 10th, 2008: running jokes about what day of the week it is, here at qwantz.com
September 9th, 2008: someone's been getting their idea of spaniards from zorro stories. not even! from stereotypes about zorro stories. anyway it's t-rex not me
September 8th, 2008: oh, did i say "memorable"? I meant "difficult".
September 5th, 2008: maybe unicorns practiced zero-footprint hovercraft construction, and ALSO built their hovercrafts out of paper. you don't even know.
September 4th, 2008: many chicks and dudes emailed me to let me know that the bingo machines t-rex envisioned yesterday already existed. thanks guys! the best email was reuven's because it contained the catchy slogan "dinosaur comics: predicting the present, today!"
September 3rd, 2008: deleted dialogue: "just hook Dr. Sbaitso up to a random number generator, I don't know"
September 2nd, 2008: as he matured, "the new tattoo shoots the old one" became "the old tattoo flies out of the new one's mouth". OLD AGE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

August 2008

August 29th, 2008: this is brilliant guerilla marketing. sucky roommates will read this comic, get pissed off at the person who left it there, and think "I'm angry and yet... SOMEHOW - I want to hear more of what these dinosaurs have to say!"
August 28th, 2008: it wasn't even a chocolate store giving away the chocolates, but whatever! i will take your misguided marketing, and i will eat it.
August 27th, 2008: tina's a dude, i forgot to mention it in the story so i'll mention it here on the back cover. it's no big deal. she used to be a woman but she's a man now and she Punches The Future. FIND OUT MORE INSIDE??
August 26th, 2008: ryan, it's me, ryan from five minutes in the future! the mashed potatoes turned out okay! i want to have some more, so listen so are you willing to share?
August 25th, 2008: deleted dialogue: "anthropomorphic bread machine are clown shoes. all the toughest bread machines are boxes, and their only concession to anthropy is an unblinking red eye."
August 22nd, 2008: bruce swain is clarke's friend. they form a fast friendship and go white-water rafting and have a great time! in a rare moment of emotional honesty for them both, they admit that they've never been happier.
August 21st, 2008: the best bathroom graffiti i ever saw was "i am a walking poo factory", all lowercase, just like that. it was written in small letters, sad and confessional.
August 20th, 2008: i only got "accounting best practices" in one panel. it - it was enough?
August 19th, 2008: this was the one in which "party" appears in every panel. up next! the one in which "accounting best practices" appears in every panel
August 18th, 2008: ah, the old "very" trick. long-time readers will recall it as the secret to keeping romance fresh!
August 15th, 2008: why are you swearing before you guess? there's no reason. it's uncalled for.
August 14th, 2008: i did the math and it looks like boorishly only send out screeds when he reaches three point nine rages. now you know
August 13th, 2008: food that, if you died while eating it - everyone who discovered you would laugh?
August 12th, 2008: only a li'l desperate
August 11th, 2008: IF YOU GOT DUMPED TODAY I AM SORRY. HERE ARE SOME WAYS IT COULD HAVE GONE WORSE I GUESS? OR MAYBE HERE ARE SOME WAYS IT COULD HAVE GONE BETTER. I DON'T KNOW AND IT'S HARD TO SAY
August 8th, 2008: this comic can be read to suggest that there's an extra panel 7 and 8 and 9 to each of my comics, in which the characters stand around greeting each other back and forth. why not, i say! WHO IS GOING TO STOP US? THE POLICE?? WELL HOPEFULLY NOT
August 7th, 2008: i was wolverine for a day last week, and just never used my powers. I Am Almost Certain Of It.
August 6th, 2008: t-rexor mact-rexor
August 5th, 2008: what do dieting people eat? judging from weight-loss commercials, they enjoy the same foods they're enjoying now, for only $24.95 a month. results not typical.
August 1st, 2008: boner fever: it's terminal now

July 2008

July 31st, 2008: today's title text is in the form of a poem. this is because i am an Artist
July 30th, 2008: i'm guessing he's pronouncing it 'pulls'
July 29th, 2008: this is the source of the old "avoid unnecessary prolixity and eschew obfuscation" joke. an oldie but a goodie??
July 28th, 2008: i am happy because i found out my girlfriend's ex-boyfriend was nicknamed 'shufflepants'. hilarious! i can EASILY compete with that.
July 25th, 2008: people who don't watch star trek: now you can knowledgably complain about a part of the show! it will help you 'fit in'
July 24th, 2008: a lot of people have sent me lists of the many things they can do transitively to pants. it was very illuminating! you guys do a lot of things to and about your pants
July 23rd, 2008: 'speechifying' is a real word! you could be a speechifier, all you have to do is speechify
July 22nd, 2008: the first three panels are all that remain of my epic Herostratus / Quantum Leap fan fiction, where Hero kept leaping into new lives, and no matter what life or time period he was in, he'd try to sabotage the wonders of the world. oh well!
July 21st, 2008: advanced readers will recognize this as the origin of the phrase "herostratic fame", but i never heard that phrase before! i guess it really just speaks to the herostratic company YOU hang out with, ADVANCED READERS.
July 18th, 2008: dinosaur comics, ladies and gentlemen!
July 17th, 2008: how do we know when and how words changed pronunciation, if they weren't written down? well sir, we look at sucky rhymes in poems and presume they used to work, and also at books written during the shift complaining how kids today keep talkin' wrong
July 16th, 2008: if you're interested in learning more, i recommend "how to do things with words" by j.l. austin! i am lifting his ideas here!
July 15th, 2008: if you have to go, death by misadventure isn't a bad way. it's "a lawful act resulting in death through careless or reckless execution". not bad, not bad! you just have to, you know, really screw up buying tacos
July 14th, 2008: so yeah the only cure for boner fever is fewer boners. hey thanks for reading my comic today everyone!!
July 11th, 2008: this happened to me: i ran into Old My Friend Oliver outside my home, and he gave me the same mysterious inspirational nod. although his smile also could have meant "ryan, it's good to see you again, one last time. too bad how you died TOMORROW"
July 10th, 2008: when i was a kid i convinced my friend that i was born without the ability to feel pain, which was why i was always so scraped up. to test it i invited him to crush my fingers, which he did, and i ruined it by screaming when it actually REALLY HURT
July 9th, 2008: "by doing some simple pronoun and name substitutions, you can read all about loheta's adventures. in some of them, he's got breasts!"
July 8th, 2008: i would really like to read an entire series of books by various famous authors, all called "My Tiring Day". Imagine Alan Moore's "My Tiring Day" next to Nick Hornby's and Gabriel Garcia Marquez's installments! amazing.
July 7th, 2008: i wasn't sure if you could be food poisoned to death, so i looked it up and saw that you could. "oh good" i said, because it made my punchline work, and then i realized i just said "oh good" to millions of deaths throughout history? wow, go me
July 4th, 2008: "life is stupid and I'm going to go stockpile water"
July 3rd, 2008: oh my gosh, utahraptor, let's get a "friendship prenup"! i just made them up; let's get some
July 2nd, 2008: before everyone emails me to mention the ketubah, i will probably mention the ketubah tomorrow! unless i change my mind! which i might! who can say!

June 2008

June 30th, 2008: according to wikipedia, in 1992 the fresh prince theme song was released in the netherlands and hit #3 on the charts! netherlands: why aren't you closer to canada? we could hang out.
June 27th, 2008: if you think "USA" is a slam on billy mitchell then you are correct! also i guess we both saw "king of kong" and enjoyed it?
June 26th, 2008: the best french word EVER is the word for werewolf: "loup garou". if you know only this one word, you can make your way in modern-day France.
June 25th, 2008: i am on a diet and i now look at going to the bathroom as the easiest way to lose weight. it's gross! i know!
June 24th, 2008: what i am saying here is that there are issues even with a meritocratic fascism. so don't do it, okay??
June 23rd, 2008: IT'S MONDAY! TELL US A STORY ABOUT GOING TO THE DENTIST
June 20th, 2008: always write roman number 3 in the space quest ]|[ style. ALWAYS
June 19th, 2008: anyway it would be like reading a book comprised of "my tummy aches. should i tell someone my tummy aches? my tummy aches"
June 18th, 2008: baby truman!
June 17th, 2008: round here, something radiates and something else shoots lightning out of its eyes
June 16th, 2008: it is a word that is very handy if you are in the alien movies and a friend of yours has an alien pop out of his chest. you won't struggle for words in that situation anymore.
June 12th, 2008: i started this comic with a ghost/android dichotomy, before realizing that zombies fit better. androids are artificial bodies with artificial souls, and i guess we are all very concerned with whether or not the sheep they dream of are electric?
June 11th, 2008: once the horse puns were out of the way, there was really nothing left for the characters to do. JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE??
June 10th, 2008: is it swearing if a character catches himself and corrects it? this source says: NO WAY, MR. JOSE!
June 9th, 2008: utahraptor, come quick! my story's become real and it's surrounding my head i guess!!
June 5th, 2008: IT IS FOR YOUR OWN LONG-TERM HEALTH AND WELLNESS T-REX I MEAN CHUBBS
June 4th, 2008: they might not have them in all towns. toronto has one, and they've even got a phone you can pick up if you want to talk to someone, but only if you are suicidal. otherwise they are not interested in any of your shenanigans
June 3rd, 2008: there are legal and illegal crazies. legal crazies is like, "wow, i love you so much, it's legally crazy!" illegal crazies is like, "wow, i love you so much, it's illegally crazy! Can I Have Your Skin For A Mask"
June 2nd, 2008: next up: airline food chefs do good work under difficult circumstances, warning labels on mattresses can sometimes be stern

May 2008

May 30th, 2008: is my timing right? did - did you save your love for me tonight?
May 29th, 2008: the heart-pounding-out-of-the-chest thing is so that it's very easy to tell when someone likes you. however, it is entirely mortifying if you are the victim.
May 28th, 2008: whenever i mention something specific in the comic i get emails from someone who did that specific thing today. hello, person who just bought a new patio set! i hope it brings you many happy returns!
May 27th, 2008: "phallocentric euphoria sounds like regular sex?" - JOEY COMEAU
May 26th, 2008: this year, yesterday was the day that i broke out the shorts.
May 23rd, 2008: if comic strip AND irony-loving aliens are looking for an excuse to blow up the planet today, then this one is "my bad".
May 22nd, 2008: if you aren't spelling "hovertrains" as one word, let me tell you: You Are Missing Out.
May 21st, 2008: is the judge male or female? THAT depends on you, dear reader
May 20th, 2008: this comic was inspired by a conversation i had with someone, but i can't remember who. was it you, chris mcninja? i bet it was.
May 16th, 2008: my friend d. payne never got a doctorate degree OR became a major in the military. only recently have i been able to forgive him
May 15th, 2008: t-rex was racist against taxi drivers a few years ago, but that's faded. he's forgotten it, so his wanting to be racist again is not a continuity error! it is a hopeful message for us all!!
May 14th, 2008: say something better, like "He said, 'Either these curtains go or I do' and I said 'Yeah, thanks, OSCAR.'"
May 13th, 2008: apparently there's a movie about hamlet ii coming out! people emailing me said it didn't look that good, but i dunno. hamlet ii!
May 12th, 2008: sorry, David B's "Epileptic" and "No Country For Old Men"! your narrative devices don't work on me! it's - it's too bad.
May 8th, 2008: shouts out to everyone ELSE named "jack thompson". you guys - you guys got a bum deal.
May 7th, 2008: my friend naseem can't figure out these dinosaur comics either. TOO MANY WORDS, TOO MANY WORDS
May 6th, 2008: sheep have freaky rectangular pupils. i'd have put them in with the raccoons and cephalopods, but nobody believes how freaky their eyes are until they wake up and there's a sheep perched above them, staring, their moist breath condensing on your cheeks
May 5th, 2008: for more information on these diseases, i, um, i made comics about them
May 2nd, 2008: that's the "writer being surrounded by his own words as he composes them" trope, so rarely used today
May 1st, 2008: when writing parody lyrics, it helps if your new lyrics have a meta-textual rhyme with the original lyrics, as this reminds readers of the actual song. this is a New Theory i developed while writing this comic.

April 2008

April 30th, 2008: DIFFERENT WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE THEY ARE COMEDIANS WHO ARE INCORRECT??
April 29th, 2008: "for reals" is the new "seriously". for reals!
April 28th, 2008: i wrote this comic in an MIT building, wearing my new MIT hoodie. beside me a woman was talking about her cute friends who are boys but who aren't boyfriends, and a man was napping on the couch in front of me. it was my "MIT experience"
April 24th, 2008: dromiceiomimus winning an award for best supporting actor in a spontaneous tableau
April 23rd, 2008: t-rex was going to go with "dearie", but cartoon grandmothers laid their claim on THAT long ago
April 22nd, 2008: hi! here are some things that could go right today!
April 21st, 2008: for reasons why i didn't write it like "british empiah", see the previous comic
April 17th, 2008: imaginary australian batman needs to stop having such a stereotypical viewpoint about australian batman
April 16th, 2008: if any of my readers explode today due to a loss of atomic cohesion, i'll be all, wow, did i call that or what?
April 15th, 2008: the nice thing about the "come on! it's the exact same joke" line is that either t-rex or utahraptor could say it. i almost had them both saying it at the same time, but it read oddly, because they were saying it in different ways.
April 14th, 2008: okay so if you think that's how "chlamydia" is spelt then, um, here is a comic about a dinosaur who likes a celebrity and has an STD, i guess
April 10th, 2008: can you believe that i draw these thought bubbles by hand? i'm serious! i just whip 'em off!
April 9th, 2008: have there been any serious religious studies into how god is the ultimate obsessive fanboy nerd about us? no? man, *this* is why people have trouble showing up on sunday morning, major religions
April 8th, 2008: HEY BOSS SORRY I'M LATE I WAS TALKING LIKE GO- GODOT. HE IS ONE CHATTY SON OF A GUN BELIEVE YOU ME
April 7th, 2008: william shakespeare: "now cracks a noble heart. good-night, sweet prince; and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest." ryan north: "shakespeare was a famous writer guy"
April 4th, 2008: act like a t-rex day
April 3rd, 2008: based on the time i walked by a hideout and overheard "we're fearsome, self-narrating criminals! now, let's discuss our one and only weakness. i am of course referring here to plastic skulls."
April 2nd, 2008: a phrase listing i read showed english speakers how to say, in korean, "Will you be my girlfriend?", "I love you", and "Would you marry me?" in succession. if you're in that situation, having the phrases handy WOULD be a real timesaver.
April 1st, 2008: unreliable narrators are also when a man punches another man real hard and the narrator says it wasn't that hard, but man, we all saw how he was holding his arm

March 2008

March 31st, 2008: SOMEONE'S new year's resolution was "to cause less regret"
March 28th, 2008: in researching this comic i kept forgetting what side i was on
March 27th, 2008: this is not breaking the fourth wall. this is just an unreliable narrator that the characters can hear this once for some reason. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE?
March 26th, 2008: i walked into a low-hanging support wire on the weekend so hard that it drew blood. luckily, my extreme height has ensured that my head already covered in protective calluses, so no real damage was done!
March 25th, 2008: Jason Statham and i would make good teams. i am convinced of it
March 24th, 2008: you know those things where someone keeps trying to get fired by making ridiculous bouquets, but they keep being these really great bouquets? it was one of those things.
March 21st, 2008: up next: beatles songs in movie format OH WAIT WAIT
March 20th, 2008: The Beach Boys have talked about living together at length, but have come to feel that this speculation only makes their present situation worse; nevertheless, they continue to want to talk about it.
March 18th, 2008: CMPRSD SNG CMCS
March 17th, 2008: we also expect killer robots to go "clankity clank" and alien babes to be sexy. NOT UNREASONABLY FOR THE LATTER, I WOULD ARGUE
March 13th, 2008: "It is not known exactly when Road Trips were ‘invented’, but technically they have been around as long as people have had roads to travel and vehicles to travel with." HEY THERE, THANKS WIKIPEDIA
March 12th, 2008: a spark ignites the gas. which gas? the EXPLOSION gas
March 11th, 2008: readers who don't want any more than three panels of about meta-conversation about car bumpers: I'VE GOT YOUR BACK
March 10th, 2008: are you and utahraptor on teams?
March 7th, 2008: this one time in high school we reverse pickpocketed some condoms into a guy's jacket. then, when the guy put his hand in his pocket, he'd be reminded of the importance of safe sex!
March 6th, 2008: t-rex the talking dinosaur in: "i have no idea of what to do with my nazi pin."
March 5th, 2008: t-rex you are programming a platformer, apparently in qbasic, so where are you pulling out this b+ tree stuff from
March 4th, 2008: what t-rex is moving towards here is more a "richard iii iv: the perils of richard iii" sort of thing
March 3rd, 2008: t-rex always concerned with the ol' resume

February 2008

February 28th, 2008: if anyone wants to make a new dinosaur comics game, the premise from yesterday's comic (t-rex using a giant fan to blow enemies off his lawn) seems as great a premise as any.
February 27th, 2008: it's changed from skateboard simulator to 'old man on the porch yelling at kids to get off his lawn revenge fantasy realizer', and i'm - i'm happy with that.
February 26th, 2008: THERE ARE PROBABLY OTHER CONCERNS AS WELL.
February 25th, 2008: what is the upper bound on the speed of the treadmill, given perfect manufacturing techniques? i imply it's terminal velocity but i really don't know. randall? any help?
February 22nd, 2008: anyway a week later t-rex is forced to go through with this and kisses a guy who found out he only has a month to live. it doesn't work out and the last month ends up being super awkward for everyone involved. the end!
February 21st, 2008: Good, nobody's around. Now I can stop self-narrating and do something REALLY embarrassing!
February 20th, 2008: T-Rex's Thought Process
February 19th, 2008: the statute of limitations on 22-year-old ryan has run out! yesssss
February 15th, 2008: homo superior
February 14th, 2008: it tastes like when a fireman's house burns down, but after the fireman was like, no way is my house ever gonna burn down
February 13th, 2008: if you have never seen "one froggy evening" then hey, welcome to confusion towne. TOO BAD WE DON'T HAVE THE EXACT SAME CULTURAL UPBRINGING, HUH??
February 12th, 2008: n-gage jokes, four years behind the times, ladies and gentlemen!
February 11th, 2008: krazy komics typo korner: "i've got this magic feelings bog."
February 7th, 2008: how great would it be to compare versions of hamlet from universe 1 and universe a, noting the way the plot unfolds differently, the subtle changes in word choice, the way the character of Ophelia was merged with Polonius? PRETTY GREAT, I IMAGINE!!
February 6th, 2008: it's a clothing store but he hates all the clothes. we've all been there, amiright?
February 5th, 2008: i saw casablanca for the first time last night! i am the guy who watches casablanca because he didn't even realize the superbowl was on
February 4th, 2008: customers know what they want, but they want what they know. BUY MY BUSINESS BOOK PLZ

January 2008

January 31st, 2008: guys, my med student friend is now my doctor friend! let's hear it for her success and her knowledge about what, in particular, makes bodies gross!
January 30th, 2008: when i was a kid i solemnly vowed that, when i was an adult, i would make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and eat all the dough, because my mom wouldn't let me eat raw cookie dough. it is a vow i have yet to satisfy and which haunts me still
January 29th, 2008: seriously, utahraptor, what in the heck
January 28th, 2008: the 'fake gas smell' idea is terrible because you'll probably get arrested as a stink terrorist
January 25th, 2008: utahraptor's line in panel 5 as i originally typed it was "Heck, I'm not busty. Let's go right now!". PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE LEFT IT UNALTERED??
January 24th, 2008: that quarter-superglued-to-the-pavement joke was never that funny, guys. THAT'S RIGHT I'M NOT AFRAID TO SAY IT
January 23rd, 2008: they made a sequel called "AFHV" but it doesn't have saget, so, you know.
January 22nd, 2008: t-rex is doing "i am legend" for ghosts. the reason the poltergeists break so many dishes isn't that they're throwing them around! they're just bumping into them because they can't see
January 21st, 2008: also it doesn't really make a difference OH WELL
January 17th, 2008: jenn came up with that 'backstory' joke. thanks, jenn!
January 16th, 2008: i have never complimented someone on the colour of their skin before. MAYBE SOME DAY??
January 15th, 2008: There was a guy named "egg". Augustus Egg. He was a Victorian artist, and he painted a painting called "Queen Elizabeth Discovers she is no Longer Young", which is hilarious. You should go look it up.
January 14th, 2008: based on a true story in which fedex failed to deliver a package to me, oh, four times now
January 11th, 2008: i looked up what people call paris hilton ("socialite" seemed a bit imprecise) and wikipedia calls her a "celebutante"! now there is a word for you!
January 10th, 2008: i wrote this after reading jeremy tinder's "black ghost apple factory" which i recommend whole-heartedly for the strip "robots don't say i love you"
January 9th, 2008: last night i was at a friend's house and mimed a helicopter, which caused me to break a glass and spill beer everywhere. i was like, man, why did have to mime a helicopter? i felt terrible and it wasn't even a very good helicopter impression
January 8th, 2008: later: "Hey! Who hit me with this vegetable steamer"
January 7th, 2008: stories "for" kids
January 4th, 2008: stories "fore" women
January 3rd, 2008: stories "4" men
January 2nd, 2008: i am trying to ascertain your baby's deal. a moment alone, please.
January 1st, 2008: i told this joke to my mom and she said dromiceiomimus' line. this is what cartoonists say when they say a comic wrote itself! it means, hey, they got their mom to help them.

December 2007

December 26th, 2007: klassic komix for monday
December 21st, 2007: IT SURE WOULD BE A GOOD TASK, HUH? a good task for someone with music mashup skills! and - and who also likes dinosaur comics?
December 20th, 2007: today i am going to call up a stranger and ask him if i can pay him money to live in his house
December 19th, 2007: The alternate, sadder ending has a different last panel, where it's a few weeks earlier, and a woman is saying "T-Rex, that certainly took a long time and I didn't enjoy it at all", and T-Rex is thinking "but - she promised she'd be nice afterwards"
December 18th, 2007: okay i have the leg cramp thing once in a while. i discovered a friend had the same issue, only her solution was to relax the muscle through massage! i thought it was pretty funny that my first instinct is to just slap the muscle around a bit
December 17th, 2007: t-rex has travelled through time on many occasions. this is like a man on a plane suddenly having doubts about fixed-wing aircraft generating lift! IT WORKS BY REDIRECTING FLUID FLOW, AIRPLANE MAN
December 14th, 2007: i forgot to finish the list of professions ruined by lexicalized phrases yesterday! second was people who sell apple pies to anti-americans, on account of the phrase "as american as apple pie"? oh no, wait wait, i cut that out for a reason
December 13th, 2007: i received several dozen emails about utahraptor either being a girl or being gay in yesterday's comic! he is gay, guys. only he doesn't talk about it all the time, on account of having interests outside of being gay?
December 12th, 2007: hey guys yesterday's comic also works for book and game titles too
December 11th, 2007: AS PROMISED ON MARCH 22nd, 2005, WITH THANKS TO THE PEOPLE ON THE FORUM WHO CAME UP WITH A BUNCH OF THESE. ALSO THERE IS A MADE-FOR-TV MOVIE WITH THE VIRGINIA TITLE SO THERE YOU GO.
December 10th, 2007: no more sunday-afternoon calls from mom, asking how astronaut school applications are going
December 6th, 2007: THIS IS THE FACE OF PREDESTINED ADDICTION. MAYBE IT'S PERSONIFIED ADDICTION. ANYWAY, IT'S GOT A MOUSTACHE
December 5th, 2007: matt wrote in yesterday to ask if punchbot was programmed via punchcards. heck yes he is!
December 4th, 2007: a deleted line had t-rex explaining how television is like combination vision-o-vision and audi-o-vision. then *I* was gonna say, "car fans: audi-o-vision is not what you think it is, and you 'audi' be less obsessed about cars."
December 3rd, 2007: anyway. doug's a triceratops

November 2007

November 29th, 2007: blackjack!
November 28th, 2007: this is me getting up this morning: "oh boy, i wonder what i'm gonna write today?" and then this is me after writing this comic: "oh, looks like it's 'something eat something that that something'"
November 27th, 2007: a wizard has turned you into a whale... of a good time!
November 26th, 2007: "utahraptor, erection isn't a swear word! it's what happens to buildings and bridges."
November 23rd, 2007: just the first three panels of this comic = your christmas card this year??
November 22nd, 2007: but one in a string of several long, unblinking moments
November 21st, 2007: the book started out as a letter to his local representative, but then t-rex decided to add in some sex and some narrative. he still sent it in when he was done though!
November 20th, 2007: on the plus side, this alienberry pie is OUTSTANDING.
November 19th, 2007: people in england: here in canada we find your british swears to be absolutely charming! the angrier you get the more we say, "hah hah hah, awwww."
November 15th, 2007: the wise-cracking criminal owns a parrot who also cracks wise. they don't get along, so he leaves the parrot at home for the duration of the film.
November 14th, 2007: THIS COMIC DEDICATED TO NASEEM, "THE FRIEND WHO CHANGED THE TIME FOR THE EVENT BUT NEGLECTED TO UPDATE THE FACEBOOK DOT COM EVENT PAGE"
November 13th, 2007: attentive readers will notice that i maintained the ounce / pound exchange rate, stable at 1 to 16. they'll also notice that t-rex was going on about homelessness while stepping on homes yesterday. what's the deal, attentive readers?
November 12th, 2007: also involved: issues of privilege, fairness, respect, and whether or not its appropriate to apologize when deciding not to give money to a stranger
November 9th, 2007: if you're wondering why you can't see utah's scar, it's because it's on the other side! SUCH A SATISFYING EXPLANATION
November 8th, 2007: Anyway Whatever Turns Out He Was Into You This Whole Time
November 7th, 2007: that panel 3 "ha ha" is supposed to be a nervous laugh. you can read it as a unkind laugh, but - that's so unkind!
November 6th, 2007: evil_jim from livejournal thinks that panel 4 should be the title of the next dinosaur comics book, if I ever make one. I AM INCLINED TO AGREE
November 2nd, 2007: custom can mean "conventional" (its our custom), but also "unique" (a custom suit)! custom, you can come to MY dinner parties anytime.
November 1st, 2007: an abstract can be abstract, but it doesn't have to be.

October 2007

October 31st, 2007: google would seem to indicate that i came up with that aBOOlitionism ghost joke first, just now! IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU THE POWER OF GENERATIVE GRAMMARS
October 30th, 2007: god is against the cargo cult idea because these cults tend to obliterate any existing religions on the islands and so is very destructive in that way and wait what kind of theology am i building here anyway.
October 29th, 2007: anyway this happened in the 40s and 50s and tos started in the 60s so WAY TO COPY THE ISLAND NATION OF VANUATU, GENE RODDENBERRY
October 25th, 2007: SEE THAT IS A JOKE ABOUT FEATHERED DINOSAURS. YOU WERE WAITING FOUR YEARS FOR THAT JOKE AND THERE IT GOES.
October 24th, 2007: i guess there are some skeletons in / about t-rex's closet, huh? BAH DUM DUM CHING
October 23rd, 2007: the best non-verbal response to being dumped: the one and only slow clap
October 22nd, 2007: everyone who reads my comic! i predict you will do this one day too. right on!
October 19th, 2007: seriously? stood up on st. patrick's day?
October 18th, 2007: the 'death before death' line comes from my pal joey comeau. WE SHARE THE SAME FEARS
October 17th, 2007: I have "gone" "too far" "down" the "rabbit hole"
October 16th, 2007: 2+2=5 you guys
October 15th, 2007: i saved you some time there.
October 12th, 2007: friday fun verificationism comics!
October 11th, 2007: utahraptor hasn't spoken in panel 5 for THREE DAYS. what am I trying to keep him from saying?
October 10th, 2007: i hope you like sequels, and also, futura
October 9th, 2007: way to go on the spanish-style exclamation marks, t-rex! i didn't know you had it in you.
October 5th, 2007: dinosaur comics by ryan the talking human.
October 4th, 2007: who kept typing 'gynocopter' instead of 'gyrocopter'? THE ANSWER: ME
October 3rd, 2007: my best mystery writing, ladies and gentlemen!
October 2nd, 2007: sorry to anybody named "dweeb o'rama" in the audience. i didn't mean to make fun.
October 1st, 2007: i cut out panels of t-rex saying "hello, HELLO, hello" in a mirror over and over, trying to achieve the same effect. HONEST I DID

September 2007

September 27th, 2007: the answer is yes, an act can be immoral but still ethical! for instance what if you hate people eating ice cream but are bound by professional ethics to help people eat ice cream? that's a good example. i made it up just now.
September 26th, 2007: is - is there a mrs. tusks?
September 25th, 2007: it's because you love that tiny joke, t-rex, no matter how many times you hear it. but i do too so we're cool!
September 24th, 2007: mr. tusks, i wrote a story about a tiny chef that you should read! i think you might find it just a... tiny bit interesting?
September 21st, 2007: what have you done for me lately?
September 20th, 2007: the idea there with the dog necktie thing is that if your dog has a necktie, maybe he'll want to achieve more. he's walking the walk so he'll feel pressured to talk the talk!
September 19th, 2007: you can read it online! you should go read it online.
September 18th, 2007: the other night i dreamt i met george takei at a party! it's a good dream to have! i just wanted to share.
September 17th, 2007: special guest monday: ryan estrada!
September 14th, 2007: A CROSSOVER WITH A SOFTER WORLD DOT COM? PERHAPS!!
September 13th, 2007: people who didn't have sex last night and want to be all passive-aggressive about it: dinosaur comics totally has YOUR back too!
September 12th, 2007: people who had sex last night: dinosaur comics TOTALLY has your back.
September 11th, 2007: now that my comic's done, i think i'll have a celebratory shower! i'm just kidding. i shower every day, ladies!
September 10th, 2007: handsome john martz came up with the 'clark ent' bit. i came up with 'bruce swain' part when i saw a guy named 'bruce swain'.
September 7th, 2007: who here's daydreams end with a "the end" title card? raise your hands.
September 6th, 2007: shakespeare wants to put the "forsooth! that shakespeare chap is excellent!" quote as the dedication at the beginning of hamlet. some gall, shakespeare!
September 5th, 2007: backstory: yesterday dromiceiomimus jennifed a dude?
September 4th, 2007: i got most of the way through this comic when i realized that t-rex was kinda riffing on dan savage's 'santorum'. AH WELL.

August 2007

August 31st, 2007: 'back to prison' isn't even a good old guy joke. but i don't know how to write old guy jokes because i am totally young!!
August 30th, 2007: okay okay i'll answer the other questions. the answers to the other questions are, um: "it keeps things interesting", "i don't know", "it gives you something to think about about", "i don't know", "i wish there weren't", and "it doesn't have to be."
August 29th, 2007: i would do this with my friends, but i'm pretty sure they wouldn't consent to it. all i want is to tie you guys down with a 10-year-long commitment, fellas
August 28th, 2007: this isn't my story. it happened to my brother. that's gross, victor.
August 27th, 2007: this comic firmly establishes in continuity that t-rex has lost contact with the beth he had a crush on, back when he was newly pubescent. :(
August 23rd, 2007: i like how dino babies goes straight to #1. #1 what? it doesn't matter! #1, baby!
August 22nd, 2007: utahraptor wishes t-rex would type a bit more formally when chatting with him. he also wishes that they could maybe use a real chat program for once.
August 21st, 2007: dromiceiomimus is saying 'of course!!' in the way one might say it when one is about to follow it up with 'it's so diabolically SIMPLE!'
August 20th, 2007: t-rex has never been totally wasted. totally plastered. totally shanghaied. totally omega striked.
August 16th, 2007: they can pop up any time, t-rex! ANY TIME AT ALL
August 15th, 2007: i'm not stopping though
August 14th, 2007: Aw geez, Utahraptor, can't you see he needs some time to get the characterization down? Antonio Tony II is all over the place.
August 13th, 2007: later on the man is like, fuck! i bet it was the narrator!
August 10th, 2007: listening to mc hawking backwards can ease the pain
August 9th, 2007: hey, are you descrambling that egg? kiss me, you impossible fool!!
August 8th, 2007: i got my neighbour's mail once and he subscribed to, swear to god, 'ontario snowmobiler magazine: the magazine for ontario snowmobilers'.
August 7th, 2007: local man punches a car up a hill and it goes all the way up the hill? hold the front page!
August 3rd, 2007: Shakespeare's Pal Jimmy Olsen! what are YOU doing here?
August 2nd, 2007: t-rex is blurring hip hop and rap here. SORRY, PURISTS!! NOBODY IN THE REAL WORLD ACTUALLY CARES THAT MUCH THOUGH SO I DON'T FEEL TOO BAD
August 1st, 2007: inspired by an article i read about how the earth would heal if we disappeared! PRETTY NEAT!

July 2007

July 31st, 2007: there's only like three doors on the first floor, and everyone on the third floor just gives you the runaround and sends you somewhere else. on the forth floor everything's your fault, and everyone on the fifth floor is a screwup. comedy!
July 30th, 2007: I know I know, "King's Quest Horse" would still fit. It's hard to gauge the length of words while you're talking. AT LEAST IT WAS FOR DINOSAURS OR WHATEVER
July 27th, 2007: THIS IS ONLY THE THIRD RELIGION I'VE STARTED. MAYBE IT IS THE FOURTH.
July 26th, 2007: THE AMAZING TECHNICAL ORIGINS OF WORDS
July 25th, 2007: hey, continuity!! how you doin'?
July 24th, 2007: if i ever build a secret base it will be known as 'base 10'
July 23rd, 2007: a few weeks later: HOPE FINALLY DIES
July 20th, 2007: how many science explanations use god as a character to talk about phantom energy? probably not many. probably there is a reason for that.
July 19th, 2007: t-rex uses his books as a way to pick up, LIKE ALL GREAT AUTHORS
July 18th, 2007: thank you wikipedia article on heat death, for letting me learn more about heat death. the only thing i would add to you is a picture of evil human torch burning a dude.
July 17th, 2007: i GUESS i'll cook her first.
July 16th, 2007: it's been a few years since we had a 'silent ultimate panel', huh?
July 12th, 2007: professor science glances up from his science with a disapproving look for t-rex, then goes back to his science.
July 11th, 2007: sorry guys. jenn asked first.
July 10th, 2007: all the ASL i know is self-taught from books, so i speak really slowly and probably have a horrible accent.
July 9th, 2007: ah, the science experiments you can perform when you're unemployed
July 6th, 2007: if you are into dudes, just change the pronoun in the last panel. i just had to fit in with the heteronormativity of the CYOA genre, you know?
July 5th, 2007: it was called 'the beth of both worlds' CHICK'S NAME WAS BETH I GUESS
July 4th, 2007: at one point in editing panel 2 i wrote 'cowboy hat got dude decimated', a much funnier, if more confusing, sentence
July 3rd, 2007: the september 11th mention makes it timely. it's what good writers do.

June 2007

June 29th, 2007: utahraptor's original spy name was 'agent orange'
June 28th, 2007: panel three is pretty straightforward.
June 27th, 2007: if i had three wishes bequeathed to me, don't you know exactly what they would be
June 26th, 2007: my freezer is ALSO dying a slow death! TORONTO PEOPLE: meat party tomorrow night?? maybe even tonight. i'll be in touch!
June 25th, 2007: i don't own any stock in nintendo, but that's only because i don't like to mix money with friendship.
June 21st, 2007: it's not actually his gun. chekhov, i mean. it's metaphorical. anyway.
June 20th, 2007: the last two sentences in this comic have never been said together before, until now. i will bet fifty cents on it.
June 19th, 2007: deleted dialogue had utahraptor saying 'my real objection is that by stringing together all these separate sentences with semicolons, you're really missing the spirit of the exercise, aren't you?' and then t-rex saying 'you forget though that Semicolons;
June 18th, 2007: guys this is short archive text. I CAN STILL DO IT
June 14th, 2007: since pi is universal, any sufficiently-advance alien culture probably has a similar joke to feynman's about pi. it is a Universal Joke. that's nuts!
June 13th, 2007: finally this spot was meant as an archive title but i mostly use it to talk about how many showers i've had today (wednesday, so far: one and one half)
June 11th, 2007: the prince of zombie whales
June 7th, 2007: if i had a friend who was a rock star you could rename my comic to 'PASSIVE AGRESSIVE DINOSAUR COMICS'. but i don't! or if i did i'm sure he'd be cool!
June 6th, 2007: will t-rex wear these glasses tomorrow? SPOILER ALERT: he will probably have buyer's regret, but will still be liable to bust them out whenever he's nostalgic for 2004, OR for new year's eve 2003.
June 5th, 2007: where herzog fears chickens i fear cephalopods. i feel our fear comes from the same place.

May 2007

May 31st, 2007: dog breederies are where you get dog breeders from. i shouldn't have to tell you this?
May 30th, 2007: being a founder of modern philosophy is nothing but ess tea arr ee ess ess
May 29th, 2007: t-rex is brushing his hands together in the last panel, in the way that one is inclined to do when one has solved a problem Once And For All
May 28th, 2007: T-REX didn't you learn anything from the beatles you don't SAY that
May 24th, 2007: as a bonus, 'life of crime' is included as an illustrative anecdote at the end of the book. STRAIGHT TO NUMBER ONE ON THE NEW YORK TIMES, BABY!
May 23rd, 2007: it's called 'life of crime' and it's extremely excellent. you should buy one.
May 22nd, 2007: ladies and gentlemen, one thousand comics! (only not really since there's some guest weeks and numbers that were skipped in the url due to database things but ANYWAY the odometer rolls over today! see you at 1,000,000,000,000,000?
May 21st, 2007: originally t-rex was going to break into the radio station instead, commandeering it for a batman call-in show ''that the public demands'', but i didn't want to have him to spend his 1000th comic in jail :(
May 19th, 2007: guest week 2007: eric millikin of fetusx.com
May 18th, 2007: guest week 2007: jeff rowland of jjrowland.com
May 17th, 2007: guest week 2007: aaron diaz of dresdencodak.com!
May 16th, 2007: guest week 2007: rebecca kraatz of house of sugar
May 15th, 2007: guest week 2007: liz greenfield of stuffsucks.com!
May 14th, 2007: guest week 2007: chris hastings and kent archer of the adventures of dr. mcninja!
May 11th, 2007: jack thompson i get my ideas about video games from the devil too! he informs me that my centipede high scores are SUPREMELY LAUGHABLE
May 10th, 2007: computer users: t-rex was buying ram! he upgrades his computer just like we do!
May 8th, 2007: i made up 'burn that bridge when we come to it' in high school, but it turns out plenty of other people have come up with it independently. PROBABLY they all copied off my paper though
May 7th, 2007: this is the second instance of a soggy dog popping up dinosaur comics. it may be the rhetorical iconography of a new generation.
May 1st, 2007: the futurist gastronomical nightmare is a guy eating pasta with one arched eyebrow

April 2007

April 30th, 2007: if i were smart, i would have put dromiceiomimus' birthday on the same day as a loved one, because then i could keep track of two birthdays for the price of one! on the other hand, if you are born today... maybe we can be friends?
April 27th, 2007: xkcd readers: i meant 'don't forget your dirty ass-shoes', of course!
April 26th, 2007: in today's comic, a dinosaur tells off shakespeare for not agreeing with him about foreshadowing! now if todd goldman puts that on a t-shirt, you'll know where he stole it from
April 25th, 2007: i drew those thought bubbles all by myself.
April 24th, 2007: it's like - sometimes i write about the sadness and beauty in life and at other times i put dinosaurs on the holodeck
April 23rd, 2007: sometimes newborn babies are confused and THEN cry. it can go either way, amiright?
April 20th, 2007: followed up by t-rex's "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Cat Who Ate a Person", and the more educational "Sherlock Holmes and the Case of The Troposphere Is Where Weather Exists."
April 19th, 2007: it's a quiet "woo" because any larger and you'd all be overcome with the soul-felt emotion! do not aim comic directly at face.
April 18th, 2007: magic realism is where you tell a realistic story but then have the characters turn each other into frogs for a bit. depressive realism is different.
April 17th, 2007: behind me in line i would prefer bad standup to dramatic sighing
April 16th, 2007: things happen for a reason
April 13th, 2007: this comic goes out to my stinky sofa. oh, stinky sofa, what am i going to do with you
April 12th, 2007: like kurosawa i make mad films, 'kay i don't make films, but if i did they'd have a zombie guy
April 11th, 2007: as soon as you buy into solipsism you change "I think, therefore I am" into "I think, therefore maybe some guy made me up?" and that is LESS CATCHY.
April 10th, 2007: um he played "frasier" on "frasier"
April 9th, 2007: it's 'cause sometimes they'll charge you if you don't eat what you take and then t-rex will only charge you half that, and then he'll eat your food.
April 5th, 2007: astute readers will notice that t-rex is defending his joke by trying to argue that the stereotype is true. a risky gambit!
April 4th, 2007: today is the day i roll over from comic2-999.png to comic2-1000.png
April 3rd, 2007: oh t-rex, nobody says 'gangsta rap songs'. people will think you're square.
April 2nd, 2007: t-rex is misrepresenting the bikini a bit. it's not just red, it's one of those american flag bikinis with stars on one side and stripes on the other?

March 2007

March 29th, 2007: if anyone reading this can make this product happen, please, feel free
March 28th, 2007: yesterday i came across non-euclidian garbage cans. if you look in you'll see they're about twice as deep as when viewed from the outside! i am still talking about these garbage cans.
March 27th, 2007: p.s.: ladies, GOD HIMSELF helped me set up this profile!!
March 26th, 2007: battle of salamis comics
March 23rd, 2007: it's true, people do ralph all the time
March 22nd, 2007: oliver if you are reading this ARE WE COOL MAN??
March 21st, 2007: if the house or car were speaking in panel three, then one could reasonably argue that there was some anthropomorphism occuring in Dinosaur Comics.
March 20th, 2007: elves didn't have computers. let us agree on this point, please. it's ridiculous.
March 19th, 2007: in this comic t-rex stands in for the author jes' a little
March 15th, 2007: it's so exciting that everyone has leapt up off their seats!
March 14th, 2007: sorry, avogadro's number day. you don't get a comic.
March 13th, 2007: please feel free to abandon your sexuality for any of these rad new alternatives!
March 12th, 2007: men: flapper swimsuits are what you desire but cannot express. it's okay. i will do the expressin' for the both of us.
March 8th, 2007: dude's full name is 'tuggy t. tugboat the tugboat'. so, wait, what - is he a tugboat or something
March 7th, 2007: INCREDIBLE BUT TRUE: if you have a story about a boy meeting a plant, then i'm sorry, but that is not a real story. NANCY MCARTHUR, you get a pass
March 6th, 2007: TR� L�V ��
March 5th, 2007: if you are offended by the word 'boners', just imagine that t-rex is saying 'booners', ie, people who have boons. why would he say that though? you get to imagine your own answer!
March 2nd, 2007: what would the world be like if the roman empire had never fallen? let's watch this star trek episode to find out!
March 1st, 2007: i like slam dancin' and slam romancin'

February 2007

February 28th, 2007: ATTENTION WOMEN NAMED SAMANTHA IN THE AUDIENCE: t-rex and i agree, you have pretty names.
February 27th, 2007: friends and neighbours, yes, i hypothesize a universe in which superman is real and dinosaurs didn't die out. IT MAY WELL BE THE GREATEST UNIVERSE EVER
February 26th, 2007: this comic was gonna have more mistakes in it, but then it was really depressing. HOW BOUT THOSE ERRORS WE MAKE IN OUR OWN LIVES HUH
February 22nd, 2007: Did you know, dear friends, that a "royal flush" can beat a "two of a kind" on the strength of the cards alone?
February 21st, 2007: t-rex apparently believes all westerns are john ford westerns, but that's okay. i could live with that.
February 20th, 2007: HOW TO GET MARRIED in case you were, um, browsing internet comics and wondering
February 19th, 2007: this was a comic i started for valentine's day, but then stopped a few panels in because it was a LITTLE CLOSE TO HOME.
February 15th, 2007: 'sweetcheeks' was somehow not in my spellcheck's dictionary. YOU BEST BELIEVE I HELLA FIXED THAT
February 13th, 2007: this one goes out to the urban herbivore sandwich store in kensington market, who put a nice chalk panel two t-rex on their sign preaching the benefits of veganism. i walked by and saw it with my hands full of discount steak! :0
February 12th, 2007: ''sexy is distracting, ON THE MOON'': the typo that became dialogue
February 9th, 2007: that's it for this week and the longest storyline ever except for that one where i flipped the pictures
February 8th, 2007: the probable suckiness of the bible iii stands in marked contrast to the space quest series, in which the third entry was a solid, well-crafted game. BUT RYAN they said HOW WILL YOU SEGUE FROM THE BIBLE TO SPACE QUEST they said
February 7th, 2007: the roman numerals make bible ii look pretty tuff! i mean tough!
February 6th, 2007: boing boing please to start posting about the everest eliminator now
February 5th, 2007: in 1979 a chinese climber named wang hongbao claimed to have seen a body of an english climber, but was killed by an avalanche a day later before a translator could be found and he could communicate precisely where. HOW IS THAT NOT AMAZING
February 1st, 2007: nanite comics

January 2007

January 31st, 2007: t-rex is down with the sickness
January 30th, 2007: they're still super-friends, just, you know - super-friends who never talk about work
January 29th, 2007: t-rex naturally assumes that in hell the currency is hellbux(tm), complete with the 'x' and full trademark status. actually, that's a lie! i made that assumption just now and simply passed it off on t-rex!
January 25th, 2007: we don't eat people, we are people. additionally, we eat people.
January 24th, 2007: last night, APPARENTLY BY ACCIDENT, a big ol' pot of boiling water was poured on my right hand! luckily i can write comics one-handed. LUCKY INDEED
January 23rd, 2007: "a rose by any other name would smell extra cool" -WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE??
January 19th, 2007: deleted dialogue had utahraptor saying ''There's a 'politicians sure do say one thing and mean another' joke in here somewhere.'' and T-Rex replying ''Not a funny one.''
January 18th, 2007: see what i did there
January 17th, 2007: if you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then by three o'clock i shall begin to be happy
January 16th, 2007: everyone throwing their hands up in the air at work - don't worry! i won't get you fired. YOU CAN'T GET FIRED FOR BEING AWESOME!
January 15th, 2007: my one regret as a computer scientist is that we never have a reasonable excuse to wear lab coats. what gives, society?
January 12th, 2007: god and t-rex both actually really love science. that is why they want the kilogram! they're going to take pictures of it front of famous landmarks and send them to le bureau international des poids et mesures
January 10th, 2007: another comic in which t-rex's tail gets a line
January 9th, 2007: if there's ever a zombie epidemic, i pledge to be the first - the first! - to blame the sucky zombies.
January 8th, 2007: the best deleted dialogue for this comic was 'you make my atheism difficult, god'. the worst was 'colonel bluegrass, i want my pliers back'
January 5th, 2007: mister alex ross if you want to please draw this i will script it
January 4th, 2007: t-rex wants a mortgage and a nice pair of pants.
January 3rd, 2007: please to pronounce it 'speci-al-ity' while reading the comic. and otherwise!
January 2nd, 2007: imagine living in a world where it was more common! i would rate this world: incredibly sad and incredibly surreal

December 2006

December 29th, 2006: resolve to call more angry men 'sweetcakes'
December 28th, 2006: implausible high school AND college year AND new class scenarios
December 21st, 2006: we have a history: a web card
December 20th, 2006: t-rex's last line is supposed to be like a "damn it, ryan!" as you might say if i ruined your quiche AGAIN, and not a "damn it, the fuzz!" as you might say if the fuzz is hot on the trail of your latest caper. it kind of works both ways though
December 19th, 2006: i would make informed opinions about archaeology comics, but my only archaeologist friend is in grenada!
December 18th, 2006: panel five's dialogue of 'public love and recognition' was originally typed as 'public love recognition', and yeah, i guess both would be pretty good to achieve.
December 14th, 2006: joey comeau of a softer world dot com likes will and grace, so i ask him to tell me some good 'will and grace' jokes, and he pulls out the most terrible stuff. i've barely even watched the show, but the will and grace jokes joey tells are SO BAD.
December 13th, 2006: if you know someone named 'boy howdy' then you could send just panel two to them and be kind of a jerk
December 12th, 2006: i, like most men, am a giant neon green tyrannosaurus rex
December 11th, 2006: it was the most inappropriate thing he could think up on such short notice
December 7th, 2006: PEOPLE IN TELEGRAMS TALKED LIKE GOD COMMA THE DEVIL STOP OR AT LEAST THEY DID IN MY ROMANTICISED MEMORY OF TELEGRAMS STOP AND BY MEMORY I MEAN FICTION STOP
December 6th, 2006: PALAEONTOLOGY NOTE: t.rexes did actually have ears. they didn't have pinnae, which are the external flaps of skin you're probably thinking of when you say 'ears'!
December 5th, 2006: the first snow of the year in this immediate locale
December 4th, 2006: later: t-rex learns that you're not allowed to cause harm to people if you're enlightened and is all 'what about if I could stomp on HITLER though' and then we all get to have that argument again

November 2006

November 30th, 2006: bad decisions comics
November 29th, 2006: if you want to say the same thing about me, ryan north of dinosaur comics dot com, that would be, um, cool
November 28th, 2006: i started this comic three years ago and just got around to finishing it now
November 27th, 2006: god only said 'um' because his mouth was full and god believes in a little thing called GOOD MANNERS
November 24th, 2006: originally in panel 3 t-rex said 'i am seriously trying to evolve my head off over here', but that was a pretty disgusting mental image.
November 22nd, 2006: another time where the first panel could be up there all on its own
November 21st, 2006: a sequel three years in the making?
November 20th, 2006: you can point all your happily married friends to this comic and say 'see? you may have found someone to share your life with, but *i* get to read comics on the internet'. wait
November 17th, 2006: it's called a negative income tax because instead of bottoming out at you owing the government $0, it can become negative, so the government can owe you money. that's right! taxes, bitches!
November 16th, 2006: is it time for a new catchphrase? nope! it's time for a lower back pain.
November 15th, 2006: the great thing about duplicator rays is that they're REALLY easy to manufacture, once you've made the first one! or two, if you don't have a mirror. what could possibly go wrong
November 14th, 2006: nature vs nurture vs THE INCREDIBLE HULK!!
November 13th, 2006: (the dinosaurs/author are/is unsure about what their/his friendship fantasy actually symbolizes)
November 10th, 2006: t-rex is stealing the 'sounds like a good date!' thing from me, age two years ago, and i stole it from a dude who used it on me when i was telling him about how i had a hole in my bike tire and yeah, it's a rad story
November 8th, 2006: A Modest Proposal: For Preventing Vandals the World Over from Being a Hilarious Burden to Wikipedia and Its Readers, and for Making Them More Beneficial to the Stern, Encyclopaedia-Reading, Publick
November 7th, 2006: i'm not the kind of guy who says 'hot and cold running chicks', but i'm the kind of guy who kind of wishes he was.
November 6th, 2006: no more mistakes for ryan i mean t-rex day
November 3rd, 2006: if you're struggling with big questions like ''why am i here?'', consider: it may be because a dinosaur, just before the cretaceous-tertiary extinction event, wanted a joke to be real.
November 1st, 2006: dude needs to think these things through, daaaaaamn

October 2006

October 31st, 2006: so many fantasies made tangible through mass production
October 30th, 2006: eleventh night; the merchant-in-training of venice; anthony and patros and cleopatra
October 27th, 2006: gimme a hug
October 26th, 2006: it was a slow day on earth prime, but check out earth omega! stuff be HITTING THE FAN!
October 25th, 2006: those who question t-rex's ethnic heritage get a mandatory free meal at the Buffet
October 24th, 2006: executive summary: t-rex is worried about his own prejudices, but then a jerky guy insults him and he feels better about it?
October 20th, 2006: vous aimez quelques frites avec cette secousse?
October 19th, 2006: can i - can i be a fictional character please
October 18th, 2006: 100% knowledge of the universe and you can predict it with 100% accuracy, so there's that
October 17th, 2006: BY POPULAR DEMAND: comics in which the phrase 'sex party' appears in every panel?
October 16th, 2006: let's get this party STARTED
October 13th, 2006: nobody can steal the 'in the hall of the mountain king as performed by the screams of children' idea because my friends pat and allene came up with it and they're making a cd OKAY
October 11th, 2006: LESBIANS AND DUDES, together at last??
October 10th, 2006: welcome to film theory transitioning to poo jokes week, here at qwantz.com
October 6th, 2006: my life is situated by the male gaze and i'm okay, i work all night and i sleep all day
October 5th, 2006: meritocracy and toplessness, together in a comic for the first time ever in the history of time
October 4th, 2006: different ways to say goodbye, in case you were, um, wondering
October 3rd, 2006: Your search - "dudes forsooth" - did not match any documents.
October 2nd, 2006: t-rex is sick and utahraptor imagines a book

September 2006

September 29th, 2006: if you are a machine intelligence that can read comics on the internet, then wow! that's awesome! thanks for reading my comics! can you put my mind into a robot body?
September 28th, 2006: an alternate ending had t-rex and utahraptor both growing mustaches and calling themselves "hairbuddies"
September 27th, 2006: utahraptor doesn't like the idea of a finite but unbounded 3-dimensional universe for reasons that are his own.
September 26th, 2006: sorry chicks! i will have to inspire YOU later
September 20th, 2006: t-rex knew that he wasn't that into skulls at all really, but he was too far in to turn back now.
September 19th, 2006: how is it that there's no hits in a google search for 'i don't think i love the way you do'? how could nobody have written that online before? is everybody TRULY loving the same way out there?
September 18th, 2006: one day t-rex will come up with the perfect plan for immortality and i'll present it in comic form and you guys will be all, 'cool, thanks ryan' and i'll be all 'hey no worries'
September 15th, 2006: what could possibly go wrong
September 13th, 2006: dentists i know you don't want me to brush after fantasy food but also, come on, you do
September 12th, 2006: butterfly dreams
September 11th, 2006: utahraptor doesn't actually believe in book burning OR game melting. but, you know - controversy monday!
September 8th, 2006: t-rex calls it a fiver because that's what he imagines counterfeiters call them when they brag to each other about counterfeiting?
September 6th, 2006: 'reclamation' is but one word that, contrary to many eager first impressions, has nothing to do with clams
September 5th, 2006: we are all big fans of mistakes here at qwantz dot com

August 2006

August 31st, 2006: i heard from someone you're still pretty
August 30th, 2006: i realized after i wrote this that rich stevens of dieselsweeties.com summed this up much more succinctly with his 'remixing a song is like admitting you were wrong' shirt. :0
August 29th, 2006: logical fallacy comics: the relativist fallacy
August 28th, 2006: the love letters are kept in a suitcase just in case t-rex needs to leave town in a hurry
August 24th, 2006: unpopular life goals: being a zepplin pilot after 1937, marrying a man who is a dog, eating the OED
August 23rd, 2006: t-rex learnt every langauge back in comic 70, but amnesia shortly thereafter led to a bunch of them being hard-core forgotten
August 22nd, 2006: okay so last night i accidentally superglued a two foot long scale plastic model of the enterprise d to my left hand? i don't know what i can say so i can come off looking like a winner here
August 21st, 2006: t-rex doesn't so much 'stop reading' books as he 'memorably abandons' them
August 17th, 2006: the ol' 'call people awesome and then ask them for money' technique, I KNOW IT WELL
August 16th, 2006: suddenly: comics!
August 15th, 2006: earlier: 'wow! what a great ad for berry burst hobosnacks!'
August 14th, 2006: this comic was meant to be a loving tribute to one of my super friends, but then i blew it by talking about knockers. this is not the first time this has happened?
August 10th, 2006: i'm hoping in a few years the devil's slang is picked up, and we start saying 'as useless as the berries' because that is sort of catchy i think
August 9th, 2006: i have the best job in the world
August 8th, 2006: if you have a lot of bitches always physically climbing on your back then have i got a comic for you
August 4th, 2006: we'll burn that bridge when we come to it
August 3rd, 2006: according to google, i'm the first person to write 'loaded like uncle pennybags' on the internet. go me!
August 2nd, 2006: for some reason this idea has also fascinated me, ryan, since i was little. see every time you pull out a chair for someone, and watch how you age over the years? that's all it takes to fascinate me for 25 years!
August 1st, 2006: incidentally, in real life, poo bugs are pretty much the all-purpose revenge tool

July 2006

July 31st, 2006: okay you can all stop asking for a special 'hey, whatever happened to ben' section, because here it is!
July 28th, 2006: SPECIAL COMIC PREMISE IN SQL FEATURE: select * from days order by importance desc limit 1
July 26th, 2006: i am saving so many things for the judge
July 25th, 2006: guys it's alright because i'm irish evil myself
July 24th, 2006: AMAZING TRUE FACT: i wrote this comic in the emergency room of the toronto western hospital?
July 20th, 2006: 'whoah! this dog's got breasts!': an all-purpose expression of surprise for the new generation
July 19th, 2006: if you were clever you could call it 'casino evil' because there's a hilarious pun involved! HILARIOUS
July 18th, 2006: alternate panel 2: i love you, t-rex! / i've got my own problems!
July 17th, 2006: k-ray-zed, t-rex? what?
July 12th, 2006: utahraptor knows that they're green
July 11th, 2006: people 'in the biz' sometimes rather cheekily refer to helicopters as 'copters'
July 10th, 2006: t-rex said something yesterday that he regrets, so he resolved NEVER TO SAY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, and then later resolved to stop making totally dumb resolutions
July 7th, 2006: the implication in panel 5, and i do stand by it, is that if you have access to a time machine, you have an obligation to use it for cooler things than Relationships Chats.
July 6th, 2006: this was going to be a comic about how people nowadays seem unable to accept that you can write a fictional story even if it hasn't actually happened to you, but then i got way into the totally awesome retarded premise
July 5th, 2006: punch as if nobody's going to get hurt, sleep as if nobody's going to get any rest, laugh as if nobody's going to find the joke funny.
July 4th, 2006: it seems that, once again, i have become privy to the private talk of dudes

June 2006

June 30th, 2006: MORAL: if you are faced with something that doesn't seem to have a desirable solution, maybe try adding rockets! space rockets!
June 29th, 2006: wikipedia says there's like 80 emotions on its 'list of emotions' page, but wikipedia's just some guy with an internet connection! some guy who thinks 'being horny' is an emotion and not just a case of boners
June 28th, 2006: t-rex is a friend to all the children
June 27th, 2006: i peeked in high school
June 26th, 2006: annnnnnna bennnnnnson..... dot net
June 23rd, 2006: hippocleides doesn't care!
June 21st, 2006: but seriously folks, there's nothing wrong with being dumb for bananas. they may well be dumb for you as well!
June 20th, 2006: i'd like to see THAT
June 19th, 2006: tips for men and men for tips
June 15th, 2006: if you think choosing a job based on its sexual attractiveness is a good idea, then have i got a comic for you!
June 14th, 2006: naturalistic pantheism comics! featuring god as himself!
June 13th, 2006: vampire DAY raises more questions than it answers
June 8th, 2006: the new face of war
June 7th, 2006: shouts out to the swedish rhapsody numbers station
June 6th, 2006: come on. dromiceiomimus was most likely already late to the dentist to begin with.
June 5th, 2006: t-rex almost said "as a timeline" instead of "as a people" in panel 2, but that would have been distracting, so I got him to cool it on the multiverses for a bit
June 2nd, 2006: nobody say love

May 2006

May 31st, 2006: "neutron" is a shout out to "neutron dance" by the pointer sisters. you may have heard this song in the 80s! it's still good!
May 30th, 2006: I regret nothing but my lack of regrets!!
May 29th, 2006: sign my guestbook view my guestbook!!!
May 26th, 2006: my name is ryan north and i write comics about dinosaurs beating up farmstock.
May 25th, 2006: the last panel raises a lot of questions about dreamland that i'm not comfortable in answering, or even considering.
May 24th, 2006: they say this cat is a bad mother / shut your mouth!
May 23rd, 2006: unfortunately, 'new bike day' does not actually exist in the real world. if it did, it would be today, and this is what it would look like. notice the carnage in panels 3 and 4.
May 19th, 2006: t-rex actually has been talking to the devil. he stole this idea from the devil. i - i stole this idea from the devil.
May 18th, 2006: telling secrets about all your friends and deities comics!
May 17th, 2006: robbing a cartoon bank runs the risk of sending you to cartoon jail, where you are legally obliged to hold the bars of your cell while peering outwards with a big frown
May 16th, 2006: crazy utahraptor! how did your crazy ass get in here?
May 15th, 2006: in panel 4, the author reminds himself of some important Dinosaur Facts.
May 11th, 2006: dude kinda undermines himself in panel 5
May 10th, 2006: based, it would seem, on an embarrassing true story
May 9th, 2006: HEY IT'S ME, T-REX
May 8th, 2006: hey so um how about that cultural obsession with true love huh
May 5th, 2006: t-rex came up with the phrase in grade 2, and you have to say it out loud. they're ghost pubes or something, i don't know
May 4th, 2006: a comic with shouts out to both the cradle of civilization and the MRCA but no mitochondrial eve, hollah
May 3rd, 2006: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO FASCINATED BY ANOTHER PERSON'S PET.
May 2nd, 2006: CONFESSION CORNER: i am a dude who will probably never get a real chance to shout "hold the front page!", and sometimes that makes me very sad.
May 1st, 2006: AN APOLOGY TO FURRIES: sorry i don't draw my female dinosaurs with knockers

April 2006

April 27th, 2006: man! what's the deal?
April 26th, 2006: does today truly mark the day all my fake lesbian friends start getting called 'sweeps week'?
April 25th, 2006: how did i get 700 comics in without ever using 'viz.' before.
April 24th, 2006: the big nice day party
April 21st, 2006: yeah so this is why i don't write action movies anymore
April 20th, 2006: FREELANCE ALL-CAPS POLICE
April 19th, 2006: 4:59
April 18th, 2006: t-rex has a telling analogy for relationship problems in panel 1
April 17th, 2006: later: economic ruin
April 13th, 2006: live every day like it's your last OKAY
April 12th, 2006: based on a true story :(
April 11th, 2006: embarrassing stories comics
April 10th, 2006: big ups to flattering swimsuits
April 6th, 2006: absolutely eating potato chips is when you eat them with a furious intensity
April 5th, 2006: a google image search for 'sucky dog' is actually pretty disappointing
April 4th, 2006: there's a hidden shout out to a pretty secure transport protocol in panel 3, ladies!
April 3rd, 2006: the cars are NOT anthropomorphized. they are hyper realisitic and the game requires the latest graphics hardware to play.

March 2006

March 30th, 2006: t-rex has had a change of heard since he last heard this joke. now he thinks it's pretty alright!
March 29th, 2006: asexual predator
March 28th, 2006: in panel 1, you can read it as though t-rex is personally asking superman or batman who, out of anyone, would win in a generic fight! YOU ARE NOT ENCOURAGED TO DO THIS.
March 27th, 2006: the joke is that kids might sport just such a fake moustache while trying to illegally buy a dirty magazine! if you are unfamiliar with the cultural stereotype, well, now you know
March 23rd, 2006: what else can you say? it clearly rules.
March 22nd, 2006: shout outs to david rees, mnftiu.cc!
March 21st, 2006: you can be against terrorism AND also against the phrase 'intellectual terrorism', OKAY
March 20th, 2006: (text-heavy) epiphany comics! aka the measure of a man, part three
March 17th, 2006: i wanted to use 'bi-not-so-curious', but that phrase has been called by zach of animalshaveproblemstoo.com
March 16th, 2006: a correspondingly weaksauce dude.
March 15th, 2006: t-rex bases his stories off of people he knows. tiny chef is basically a Morris The Bug culinary / competency fantasy sequence. he wrote it to cheer the li'l guy up!
March 14th, 2006: ways to make someone fall in love with you comics
March 13th, 2006: the green one thinks he should have more feelings
March 9th, 2006: ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT MISTAKES WERE MADE
March 8th, 2006: on account of how it refers directly to the word it's trying to euphemize, "mc masturbation" wins the prize for worst euphemism ever.
March 7th, 2006: "another wacky adventure" - with the dinosaur cr�
March 6th, 2006: guys if you like t-rex's poems i wrote them so i should get the credit, me, ryan
March 3rd, 2006: i love the idea of 'next time' scenes that maybe never actually take place. thanks, arrested development!
March 1st, 2006: alternate last panel: just some narration that reads 'ANYWAY.'

February 2006

February 28th, 2006: a history of hysteria
February 27th, 2006: it's sort of a boys vs girls regret competition, you know? you have probably been involved in one of these "at the office".
February 24th, 2006: tom waits is another good story
February 23rd, 2006: utahraptor is just teasing, there is nothing wrong with chocochops.
February 22nd, 2006: what if i had no friends comics
February 21st, 2006: how to be? remarkable!
February 20th, 2006: EVERYONE is making it really hard for me to conclusively solve the eternal and universal problem of unhappiness.
February 17th, 2006: shout outs to all the female mammals in the audience, wayooo!
February 16th, 2006: okay there are actually some fantasy novels that don't have talking horses PROBABLY
February 14th, 2006: one can make no predictions besides the one that predictions are impossible.
February 13th, 2006: i might be a little lactose inconsiderate
February 10th, 2006: SOCIALISM COMICS
February 9th, 2006: i really wish i'd invented fire extinguishers or SOMETHING
February 8th, 2006: logical solutions to emotional problems
February 7th, 2006: avoiding phone breakup technique #2: pretend it's the wrong number
February 6th, 2006: sick for realsies
February 3rd, 2006: i was told yesterday that i should have made a pun about 'rein-CARNATION'
February 2nd, 2006: REINCARNATION COMICS only not really
February 1st, 2006: mad friendship crushes on all y'all

January 2006

January 31st, 2006: RAIL SHOOTERS ARE NOT UNLIKE ROLLERCOASTERS BUT WITH THE ADDITION OF MAMMOTH AND INEXHAUSTIBLE MUNITIONS
January 30th, 2006: not talking about jimmy and ben okay
January 27th, 2006: oh ho i know your secret mr [whatever politician you don't like]
January 26th, 2006: the blackmailer was the detective himself in a stunning, kind of dumb twist!
January 25th, 2006: "dinosaur comics: it's online!"
January 24th, 2006: different types of vegetarianism: a handy reference to different types of vegetarianism
January 23rd, 2006: democracy comics
January 19th, 2006: YOU ARE DEVELOPING AS YOU SHOULD
January 18th, 2006: dating both twin sisters at the same time
January 17th, 2006: mutton chops and handlebar mustachios all at the same time, baby
January 16th, 2006: everyone gets one wish
January 13th, 2006: adventures!!
January 12th, 2006: ryan finally a comic that applies to my own life
January 11th, 2006: t-rex would never have been able to win the role of spock and that makes him very sad
January 10th, 2006: religious issues solved in this comic: zero!
January 6th, 2006: "everyone has better reasons for being here than *I*", t-rex
January 5th, 2006: logical fallacy comics: begging the question
January 4th, 2006: selling naked pictures online for profits
January 3rd, 2006: incorrect homophobe comics

December 2005

December 30th, 2005: cool AND improbable: that's me, baby
December 29th, 2005: t-rex isn't so much 'left wing' as 'a multifaceted and varied crystal'
December 28th, 2005: naming your kids after ex-girlfriends, yee-haw
December 26th, 2005: my father's famed and final prediction!!
December 23rd, 2005: dinosaur presents day is often referred to as 'christmas' as a handy shorthand
December 21st, 2005: robots!
December 20th, 2005: i will say it again in highschool-level french
December 19th, 2005: DEFINITELY time to call in some old debts
December 15th, 2005: crazy racists, you know, as opposed to the regular flavor
December 14th, 2005: mind-altering drugs part II
December 13th, 2005: if regret parties catch on and become a hipster trend I TOTALLY WANT THE CREDIT
December 12th, 2005: people who only date asians comics
December 8th, 2005: that is one dude with a grudge
December 7th, 2005: HeLa cells
December 6th, 2005: t-rex really dropped the ball at the end there
December 5th, 2005: nothing says 'nature' to t-rex like a koala bear
December 2nd, 2005: little morris the bug
December 1st, 2005: if you want to trip out in panel six then that is your call

November 2005

November 30th, 2005: the sissy-panted are those who favour sissy pants over regular bottomwear
November 29th, 2005: what if you could murder a guy who you knew was going to do fifty murders, for instance
November 28th, 2005: holy shit, what is your favourite food day!
November 24th, 2005: sweet pranks
November 23rd, 2005: this is why you have to be so careful with which charities you donate to
November 22nd, 2005: winning the lottery; what could possibly go wrong?
November 21st, 2005: flavoured chips!!
November 18th, 2005: the answer is yeah, some mice can actually live outdoors
November 17th, 2005: the intercourse instinct
November 16th, 2005: guest week party central: jim burgess
November 15th, 2005: guest week party central: jon rosenberg
November 14th, 2005: guest week party central: jeph jacques
November 13th, 2005: guest week party central: kent earle
November 12th, 2005: guest week party central: ryan estrada
November 11th, 2005: guest week party central: bernie hou
November 10th, 2005: guest week party central: ryan sias
November 9th, 2005: guest week party central: steven frank
November 8th, 2005: guest week party central: jamie mcgarry
November 7th, 2005: guest week party central: john allison
November 4th, 2005: t-rex has a cold :(
November 3rd, 2005: autodidacticism comix
November 2nd, 2005: so yeah, he's going.
November 1st, 2005: too many friends?

October 2005

October 31st, 2005: the man knows how to make an entrance
October 28th, 2005: t-rex has decided to stalk someone
October 27th, 2005: he gets knocked down, but he gets up again
October 26th, 2005: t-rex's big tattoo
October 25th, 2005: A CAUTIONARY TALE about marrying flappers, just in case, you know, this ever comes up
October 24th, 2005: here is a startling thought: SNAKES ON A PLANE
October 20th, 2005: crypto / trapdoor functions
October 19th, 2005: ten whole chickens and a litre of milk
October 18th, 2005: honestly, some of my best friends are named 'timmy'
October 17th, 2005: learnability of natural languages comics THAT'S RIGHT
October 14th, 2005: 'daydream believer' was on the radio when he woke up
October 13th, 2005: vaudeville-style comedy, i guess?
October 12th, 2005: by the end of this comic, the word 'class' has lost all meaning
October 11th, 2005: GOOD EVENING PROFESSOR SCIENCE, I HAVE A QUERY AGAIN
October 10th, 2005: intelligent design comics, featuring: talking dinosaurs coexisting with humans!
October 6th, 2005: documentary films
October 5th, 2005: how to be jawesome
October 4th, 2005: i imagine there's a waiting list of some design
October 3rd, 2005: hardcore wasting time is like softcore wasting time, but with more clinical close ups on people blinking

September 2005

September 30th, 2005: research for this comic included visiting websites with the word 'astro-NOT' used over and over again.
September 29th, 2005: how many songs are there where they rhyme 'school' with 'golden rule'? lots?
September 28th, 2005: if you don't know what vanilla extract is, this comic will be so confusing.
September 27th, 2005: sapir-whorf, make it so
September 26th, 2005: not the first time t-rex has tried to avoid unconsciousness
September 22nd, 2005: this comic is for ninjalicious - i never met him but he did many excellent things.
September 21st, 2005: the devil claims to be significantly l33t
September 20th, 2005: things t-rex got in the mail for free that one time
September 19th, 2005: who would have thought this 'who can be the better fake panhandler' competition would reflect poorly on us?
September 15th, 2005: let's talk about feelings
September 14th, 2005: digital camera prank
September 13th, 2005: time to check up on that utopian society i founded!
September 12th, 2005: i'm so intense, dude.
September 9th, 2005: t-rex playing with the british national corpus
September 8th, 2005: t-rex's life goals
September 7th, 2005: the sweet dudes featuring justin time
September 6th, 2005: good night, don't let yourself bite the bed bugs
September 2nd, 2005: capital-p Problems
September 1st, 2005: abandonware adventures

August 2005

August 31st, 2005: going back in time to kill bad guys
August 30th, 2005: world's cryiest baby
August 29th, 2005: better at it than me
August 26th, 2005: well, at least they're social
August 25th, 2005: things t-rex did that one time
August 24th, 2005: scientists: those guys are on the ball
August 23rd, 2005: how to be patronizing... on the internet!
August 22nd, 2005: you can't see it, but in the last panel all the dinosaurs have had DIFFERENT BREAKFASTS.
August 18th, 2005: why come everything's so 'spensive?
August 17th, 2005: never tell a lie
August 15th, 2005: the play was called 'don't pinch me like that dear eliza', no real reason
August 12th, 2005: a house party! down the street!
August 11th, 2005: utilitarianism comics
August 10th, 2005: solipsists: there can only be one
August 9th, 2005: t-rex has another Theory
August 8th, 2005: borderline-racist PROFESSION jokes that people keep telling, why, why
August 5th, 2005: we'll have a manliness contest right after flipping this five-course meal onto the dirt, BOOYAH
August 4th, 2005: webcomics about science as the new webcomics about pirates/monkeys/ninjas? here's hoping!
August 3rd, 2005: chasing after birds naked? looks like my friday night just got filled up!
August 2nd, 2005: the great library of alexandria

July 2005

July 29th, 2005: hinduism comics! or, or eisegesis comics.
July 28th, 2005: this temporal anomaly is tearing us apart!
July 27th, 2005: high-concept time travel comics?
July 26th, 2005: t-rex messes with time, what's the worst that could happen?
July 25th, 2005: little secrets
July 22nd, 2005: totally totally pooched
July 21st, 2005: indoor voice! indoor voice!!
July 20th, 2005: t-rex up to his old tricks
July 19th, 2005: hot days and movies
July 18th, 2005: t-rex knows the characters' names, so he must know what he's talking about.
July 14th, 2005: forget all of y'all, crazy rashes!
July 13th, 2005: friends dating friends who date friends who date friends
July 12th, 2005: klinical depression komics
July 11th, 2005: kiss me signs
July 8th, 2005: lots of things are pretty okay
July 7th, 2005: little lower, little slower
July 6th, 2005: bhangra bhangra bhangra bhangra
July 5th, 2005: did he know it? it seems suspect that he knew it.
July 4th, 2005: batman dreams!
July 1st, 2005: happy canada day comics ii

June 2005

June 30th, 2005: try to be a good friend, t-rex.
June 29th, 2005: friends at the cottage good times!
June 28th, 2005: i have been so busy lately
June 27th, 2005: down this road leads CHAOS and a pretty kickin' fantasy life
June 24th, 2005: age of consent / pedophile comics ?
June 23rd, 2005: female noun funnies
June 22nd, 2005: asexuality!
June 21st, 2005: birds are sad comics
June 20th, 2005: what's for dinner? unique, rare, and tasty animals!
June 17th, 2005: a long december
June 16th, 2005: jokes nobody need ever make again
June 14th, 2005: les quatre cents annees
June 13th, 2005: competitive eating / the saltine challenge!
June 10th, 2005: philosophical zombies? shit, no!
June 9th, 2005: there's a lot i don't know about stuff
June 8th, 2005: some of my best friends use that phrase.
June 7th, 2005: pretension
June 6th, 2005: expiry date comics!
June 3rd, 2005: things to do while waiting in an airport
June 2nd, 2005: (whispering) i like to look at their bodies
June 1st, 2005: dynosoar cawmics

May 2005

May 31st, 2005: burying books for fun and profit
May 30th, 2005: why you got to get all up in my public spaces
May 26th, 2005: t-rex in: programming advice
May 25th, 2005: reason as the source of knowledge
May 24th, 2005: ways to win or at least end arguments
May 20th, 2005: places where songs are stuck: in head
May 19th, 2005: self-doubt shenanigans
May 18th, 2005: this just in: some ads are dumb
May 17th, 2005: t-rex, what are you doing
May 16th, 2005: everyone's favourite topic: se^H^Hrelationships!
May 12th, 2005: a good day for talking about ex-girlfriends
May 11th, 2005: i can turn sammiches into thoughts about further sammiches
May 10th, 2005: anger management (not the film. the comic.)
May 9th, 2005: feeeeed the birds, chimichangas a bag
May 6th, 2005: music student or... psychology student?
May 5th, 2005: god and the devil minicomics
May 4th, 2005: how to live a meaningful life: let the internet tell you
May 3rd, 2005: people > machines
May 2nd, 2005: the random axe of kindness

April 2005

April 29th, 2005: inspired by livejournal!
April 28th, 2005: second base is first loser
April 27th, 2005: t-rex might have to get glasses! ruh roh
April 26th, 2005: i sure hope i'm not the only one who finds film theory really cool!
April 25th, 2005: post-pubescent!
April 22nd, 2005: talking dinosaurs on the internet in: young marriage
April 21st, 2005: i disagree with you now!
April 20th, 2005: block slumber party
April 19th, 2005: the devil raises an interesting question
April 18th, 2005: guilt over tasty things
April 15th, 2005: the problem of specialization
April 14th, 2005: t-rex is a motivational speaker!
April 13th, 2005: i dunno, they look about the same to me
April 12th, 2005: give me a break
April 11th, 2005: the world revolves around me / probably
April 7th, 2005: logical fallacy comics: the straw man
April 6th, 2005: a letter to grandmother
April 5th, 2005: t-rex and his dinosaur friends in: "gender? huh?"
April 4th, 2005: three years before the great war

March 2005

March 31st, 2005: autobiography still not working out
March 30th, 2005: criminal record: helicopter theft
March 29th, 2005: explode is often a transitive verb in dinosaur land
March 28th, 2005: special guest appearance by that joey comeau kid
March 25th, 2005: internet diary and optimism comics!
March 24th, 2005: let history be the judge
March 23rd, 2005: okay so i didn't use the british spelling of 'manoeuvre' but whatever!
March 22nd, 2005: politeness and insincerity and what have you
March 21st, 2005: supportive sounds for post-breakup dudes
March 17th, 2005: averaged emotions
March 16th, 2005: post-communism
March 15th, 2005: adjectivizing is the new verbing
March 14th, 2005: nothing you can say will scare me!
March 11th, 2005: spam protection systems / TOUCH FOOTBALL!
March 10th, 2005: the devil in: mmorpgs
March 9th, 2005: from the greek nostos ("a return home") + algos ("pain")
March 8th, 2005: sad comics
March 7th, 2005: in which t-rex walks around telling people stories
March 4th, 2005: guess who's coming to dinner
March 3rd, 2005: cephalopods: oh my goodness what went wrong
March 2nd, 2005: raccoons: nature's most sinister mammal
March 1st, 2005: guest week: andy hirsch! change

February 2005

February 28th, 2005: guest week: aaron farber! another beautiful day
February 25th, 2005: guest week: justin pierce! space rex
February 24th, 2005: guest week: nicky gurewitch! being a magician
February 23rd, 2005: guest week: james turner! one hundred tiny ninjas
February 22nd, 2005: guest week: jeph jacques! stop slouching
February 21st, 2005: guest week: allene! lessons in sharing
February 17th, 2005: happy dog the happy dog
February 16th, 2005: facts which may or may not be true about motorcycle enthusiasts
February 15th, 2005: dinosaur laffs featuring t-rex the dinosaur
February 14th, 2005: valentine's day: personal politics
February 10th, 2005: you cannot step into the same river twice
February 9th, 2005: spring is my favourite season
February 8th, 2005: spring break!!
February 7th, 2005: sexualized bikes
February 3rd, 2005: amusing observations about everyday life
February 2nd, 2005: our first look at the french rap universe
February 1st, 2005: freezing time to live longer

January 2005

January 31st, 2005: sisterhood
January 27th, 2005: mmmmmmm an excellent game indeed
January 26th, 2005: FRIENDS SHOUT THEIR THOUGHTS AT FRIENDS
January 25th, 2005: the fallacy of balance
January 24th, 2005: the best science fiction story idea ever
January 20th, 2005: profits!!
January 19th, 2005: t-rex and i are not the same person, i should stress this
January 18th, 2005: best friends edit each other's work
January 17th, 2005: clap clap clap
January 13th, 2005: the laws of thermodynamics, personified for reals
January 12th, 2005: everyone always talks so classy-like
January 11th, 2005: quite adequate for a man of my racial denomination
January 10th, 2005: no more secrets of the medical profession
January 7th, 2005: fifty-two movies in fifty-two days
January 6th, 2005: chicks dig a guy who eats a lot
January 5th, 2005: SECRETS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION
January 4th, 2005: canadians drink bags of milk, i guess you should know this
January 3rd, 2005: we can sexy all night long

December 2004

December 30th, 2004: time has become unglued!
December 29th, 2004: mountaineering leading to cannibalism
December 28th, 2004: nostalgia AND folk quotations, together at last!
December 27th, 2004: life reduced to clich�, AGAIN
December 23rd, 2004: t-rex in: 'wrapping presents in the plastic bags they came in'
December 22nd, 2004: i slept last night qu�bec style
December 21st, 2004: hooray for christmas cards!
December 20th, 2004: people on the internet: so dumb!
December 16th, 2004: imagine if santa claus worked at a newspaper?
December 15th, 2004: immortality through art
December 14th, 2004: teen magazeen, the magazeens for teens
December 13th, 2004: tonight i am going to bed early
December 9th, 2004: man, i've always wanted to travel to the future!
December 8th, 2004: t-rex and his dinosaur friends in: old photographs
December 7th, 2004: science means that not all dreams can come true
December 6th, 2004: so crazy it's off the hook
December 3rd, 2004: twenty-nine cent prints
December 2nd, 2004: well-adjusted dinosaurs
December 1st, 2004: typos in heaven

November 2004

November 30th, 2004: thigh fives all around
November 29th, 2004: isn't it crazy that are minds are IN OUR HEAD?
November 25th, 2004: no burying t-rex alive
November 24th, 2004: philosophical progress
November 23rd, 2004: the manliest thing in the world
November 22nd, 2004: ryoma
November 18th, 2004: cautionary tale comix
November 17th, 2004: compressed film comics VII
November 16th, 2004: stereotypical male fantasy number one
November 15th, 2004: sweet dinosaur kissing
November 12th, 2004: constraints and the nature of argument structure
November 11th, 2004: the little red-scaled dinosaur
November 10th, 2004: world politics segues into women in the mood to kiss
November 9th, 2004: another rocketship built to prove a point
November 8th, 2004: the power of language
November 4th, 2004: comics for french kids: 'je suis un loup garou!'
November 3rd, 2004: the meaning of life
November 2nd, 2004: i love politics so hard
November 1st, 2004: powerful images for the passage of time

October 2004

October 28th, 2004: utahraptor fan fiction
October 27th, 2004: truth / volunteer-information serum
October 26th, 2004: emotions are for the weak!
October 25th, 2004: i just had a snooze... and didn't lose!
October 22nd, 2004: a special comic by justin
October 21st, 2004: the strangest dream
October 20th, 2004: you make me wanna shoop
October 19th, 2004: passionate latin women!
October 18th, 2004: social skills comics
October 15th, 2004: money
October 14th, 2004: so! generalizations!
October 13th, 2004: sex advice
October 12th, 2004: a vision... of tomorrow!
October 7th, 2004: dinosaur improv troupe
October 6th, 2004: a cheery nostalgia for a small town
October 5th, 2004: time to go on a wacky adventure
October 4th, 2004: t-rex in: young parents
October 1st, 2004: Pretzels In A Lady's Lap

September 2004

September 30th, 2004: deities have cell phones, i guess!
September 29th, 2004: dinosaurs had cell phones, i guess!
September 28th, 2004: it was all a dream
September 27th, 2004: time travel advice comics
September 23rd, 2004: he who dies with the most parents, wins
September 22nd, 2004: naked people? hot?
September 21st, 2004: the angriest dog in the world
September 20th, 2004: i think we should break up: a web card
September 16th, 2004: from where do you hail, you attractive individual?
September 15th, 2004: if there's one thing i know, it's women
September 14th, 2004: the Perfect Haiku
September 13th, 2004: heard any new jokes lately, god?
September 10th, 2004: you're fired, and i can talk!
September 9th, 2004: crazy vs wacky / god vs t-rex
September 8th, 2004: time to visit all my wacky dinosaur friends!
September 7th, 2004: compressed film comics VI
September 2nd, 2004: The Man Who Died And Came Back As A Ghost
September 1st, 2004: what if...?

August 2004

August 31st, 2004: fatalism comics
August 30th, 2004: web blog comix
August 27th, 2004: a cautionary TRUE tale about hermit crabs
August 26th, 2004: being polite, also: your mom
August 25th, 2004: circle wipe double equals sign comedic gold
August 24th, 2004: my new boyfriend is exactly like you, only with none of the faults
August 23rd, 2004: it's a party in this comic and everyone's invited
August 19th, 2004: why am I here? batteries.
August 18th, 2004: historiography comics, featuring "good ol' t-rex"
August 17th, 2004: futurists, plus i can't get enough of the plop takes
August 16th, 2004: presentism
August 13th, 2004: social ruin comics
August 12th, 2004: oil of olay, twice a day
August 11th, 2004: turning a global disaster into a chance for sex with multiple partners
August 10th, 2004: this is all the ID i need
August 9th, 2004: the king of the dance
August 6th, 2004: another wedding: dance with all the pretty girls
August 5th, 2004: how to attract women!
August 4th, 2004: life is beautiful but sad sometimes
August 3rd, 2004: compressed novel comics: lolita
August 2nd, 2004: neoclassical pastiche

July 2004

July 30th, 2004: you are great: a web card
July 28th, 2004: math jokes: eigenvouch for that!
July 26th, 2004: the old 'culture by association' trick
July 23rd, 2004: a moral allegory
July 21st, 2004: i like my rum like i like my women
July 19th, 2004: movie etiquette
July 15th, 2004: compression schemes
July 14th, 2004: and i didn't even get to ken thompson's "reflections on trusting trust"
July 13th, 2004: the bad news is there's finitely many songs about sad robots
July 12th, 2004: this summer: the earth stops and everybody flies into a wall
July 8th, 2004: god vs. the stolen bike
July 7th, 2004: sexual ambiguity
July 6th, 2004: self-improvement: time to make some changes around here
July 5th, 2004: a brief history of charles babbage
July 2nd, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: derivative comics
July 1st, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: treasure map

June 2004

June 30th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: disasterous events
June 29th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: pragmatism
June 28th, 2004: ryan in ny / per jorner fills in: mary sue comics
June 24th, 2004: something to do with history
June 23rd, 2004: things it is cool to do
June 22nd, 2004: these just showed up in my mail, unsolicited!
June 21st, 2004: credit card fraud
June 17th, 2004: life-sized cardboard cutouts
June 16th, 2004: a case of cuttlefish
June 15th, 2004: home movies
June 14th, 2004: quick! save your game!
June 11th, 2004: comics with twist/non-twist endings
June 10th, 2004: generic rooms
June 9th, 2004: t-rex in: a contract with god
June 8th, 2004: l'esprit d'escalier
June 7th, 2004: the verbose garden
June 4th, 2004: flying kites
June 3rd, 2004: comics about homecare
June 2nd, 2004: hey, i heard you were pissed off!
June 1st, 2004: compressed origin story comics - spider-man

May 2004

May 31st, 2004: indian food
May 28th, 2004: emails
May 27th, 2004: your verb tense is inappropriate, my dear
May 26th, 2004: that's what your jaws are for
May 25th, 2004: tomorrow brings a new chance to found a bluegrass band
May 24th, 2004: what's for dinner? societal norms.
May 20th, 2004: you know what's funny? death.
May 19th, 2004: ticket restrictions
May 18th, 2004: fresh prince of bel air
May 17th, 2004: giant robot suits
May 14th, 2004: a moment of empathy
May 13th, 2004: an adventure through time
May 12th, 2004: holy shit, single bicurious lesbians!
May 11th, 2004: online usernames: bi-curious, bi-plane, bi-centennial_man, bi-nary_boi
May 10th, 2004: mother's day
May 6th, 2004: corker
May 5th, 2004: so anyway, god, he's bad at telling jokes
May 4th, 2004: parties ruined by god
May 3rd, 2004: treasure hunt, 1950s

April 2004

April 29th, 2004: fisticuffsmanship
April 28th, 2004: irresistible to women
April 27th, 2004: political protest poetry (not yet set to music)
April 26th, 2004: bicycle puns can get tireing
April 22nd, 2004: good gossip
April 21st, 2004: prequels and faked, um, orgasms
April 20th, 2004: compressed film comics V
April 19th, 2004: gambling makes you appear more attractive in the eyes of women
April 15th, 2004: vegetables for bachelors
April 14th, 2004: [whispering] i made this for you
April 13th, 2004: dinosaurs were scallywags
April 12th, 2004: spring has proceeded to spring
April 8th, 2004: the magic ring
April 7th, 2004: emergent behaviour
April 6th, 2004: solving problems by declaring parts of your life to be non-canon comics
April 5th, 2004: you can see the wheel between his hands
April 3rd, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - lick my jesus - biscuits and gravy
April 2nd, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - ryan armand - the greatest t-rex in the world
April 1st, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - phiip - something's wrong today

March 2004

March 31st, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - steve hogan - jester regular
March 30th, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - justin pierce - godot / dinosaur battle alpha 2k
March 29th, 2004: an awesome week, concluded! - matt shepherd - contradiction city
March 26th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - dave cheung - alternative rendering comics!
March 25th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - pieter serkeyn - the lion king
March 24th, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - gilyan merry - law + order
March 23rd, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - joey comeau - the fourth wall
March 22nd, 2004: an awesome week, continued! - jeff rowland - our first home
March 19th, 2004: an awesome week - dave bort - rabbits!
March 18th, 2004: an awesome week - elliott g. garbauskas - lasagna
March 17th, 2004: an awesome week - steve carey - crime stomper 2 / dress up
March 16th, 2004: an awesome week - zole - dinosaurz with attitude
March 15th, 2004: an awesome week - o - dreams come true
March 11th, 2004: the mind-control ray
March 10th, 2004: the day of rage
March 9th, 2004: the group autobiography
March 8th, 2004: the time machine
March 4th, 2004: a quiet portrait
March 3rd, 2004: comics in which disaster strikes!
March 2nd, 2004: the dinosaur at the end of the comic
March 1st, 2004: t-rex what's going on

February 2004

February 27th, 2004: holy peer pressure
February 26th, 2004: the taste of burying your ass
February 25th, 2004: righteous indignation
February 24th, 2004: ice cream night
February 23rd, 2004: that's perfect
February 19th, 2004: hilarious outtakes comics
February 18th, 2004: having a propensity to the overuse of lengthy language
February 17th, 2004: maybe HE didn't
February 16th, 2004: musavada veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami
February 14th, 2004: valentine's day comics
February 12th, 2004: handshaking classiness
February 11th, 2004: i'ma gonna be a superhero
February 10th, 2004: comics in which matters take a sudden turn for the worse (and zombies!)
February 9th, 2004: i dunno, it always worked for me
February 5th, 2004: philosophy comics i and ii
February 4th, 2004: houston, we have a problem
February 3rd, 2004: the ultimate personification of society
February 2nd, 2004: the sex scene

January 2004

January 30th, 2004: the evolution of social graces
January 29th, 2004: these inappropriate games are tearing me apart
January 28th, 2004: you're the world-renowned authority on you
January 27th, 2004: a comic about cooties
January 26th, 2004: prizes for being a friend
January 22nd, 2004: adults vs children title match
January 21st, 2004: how to turn any love song into a sea shanty
January 20th, 2004: the cutest phrase
January 19th, 2004: how to win arguments/friendships
January 15th, 2004: swimming naked
January 14th, 2004: this is more than enough excitement for me
January 13th, 2004: i wonder what life would be like if i were never born
January 12th, 2004: things that don't exist
January 8th, 2004: compressed bible comics - today's genre: teen magazine confessional
January 7th, 2004: ahh... much better!
January 6th, 2004: tweens
January 5th, 2004: unambiguous answers to old rhetorical questions
January 1st, 2004: new year's resolutions

December 2003

December 31st, 2003: history teacher (pro-pun)
December 30th, 2003: everybody dies (anti-pun)
December 29th, 2003: disappointed dentist re: flossing
December 25th, 2003: i would like to have that portrait
December 24th, 2003: sexy exciting presents
December 23rd, 2003: i will do this using capitalism
December 22nd, 2003: it's the only thing i really wanted
December 18th, 2003: one page from 'on the origin of species'
December 17th, 2003: story of my life
December 16th, 2003: the lady at the supermarket
December 15th, 2003: the middle ground
December 11th, 2003: talking dinosaurs discuss objectivism
December 10th, 2003: paid by the 'awesome'
December 9th, 2003: i'll kick his ass!
December 8th, 2003: shakespeare punchlinez
December 4th, 2003: i never knew my father
December 3rd, 2003: pirates!
December 2nd, 2003: nostalgia for the present
December 1st, 2003: comics with long contextualizing titles

November 2003

November 27th, 2003: american thanksgiving
November 26th, 2003: happiness comics
November 25th, 2003: the horse raced past the barn fell
November 24th, 2003: sarcasm leads to an argument
November 20th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - your sense of disenchantment
November 19th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - "balls to the wall"
November 18th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - green lantern
November 17th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - superman
November 13th, 2003: compressed origin story comics - batman
November 12th, 2003: sexual double standards
November 11th, 2003: recipe comics
November 10th, 2003: i'm not married to it
November 6th, 2003: polygamy at home, a six-part miniseries
November 5th, 2003: how to meet new people
November 4th, 2003: fables told in such a way at to appeal to the greed of the reader
November 3rd, 2003: delightfully sexy double entendres

October 2003

October 31st, 2003: the difference between what is transmitted and what is received
October 30th, 2003: the t-rex costume
October 29th, 2003: robots
October 28th, 2003: my costume thinks it's cooler if we're just friends
October 27th, 2003: grandfather's birthday
October 23rd, 2003: i'm going to solve mysteries!
October 22nd, 2003: post hoc ergo propter hoc
October 21st, 2003: the dangers of hubris
October 20th, 2003: birthday funnies
October 16th, 2003: not today
October 15th, 2003: perhaps i will eat my friends
October 14th, 2003: the white lie that spiraled, out of control!
October 13th, 2003: thanksgiving day comics
October 9th, 2003: things i've read on the internet comics (mild anti-vegetarian sentiment)
October 8th, 2003: dinosnore comics
October 7th, 2003: that's the coolest
October 6th, 2003: i didn't know he could read!
October 3rd, 2003: at the reception
October 2nd, 2003: at the wedding
October 1st, 2003: a wedding invitation

September 2003

September 30th, 2003: computational linguistics
September 29th, 2003: a hurricane!
September 25th, 2003: sarcasm comics
September 24th, 2003: i wonder what life would be like if i were a lady
September 23rd, 2003: joy comics
September 22nd, 2003: 't-rex, your house is on fire!'
September 19th, 2003: everyone's a winner
September 18th, 2003: filmic techniques comics
September 17th, 2003: the cursed nutrinomicon
September 16th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - justin pierce!
September 15th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - jeremy clarke!
September 12th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - r. sikoryak!
September 11th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - joey comeau!
September 10th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - joseph kovell!
September 9th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - steve carey!
September 8th, 2003: sexy celebrity cartoonist week - scott bevan and kent earle!
September 5th, 2003: skydiving
September 4th, 2003: update bodies set status = 'dead'
September 3rd, 2003: (abortive) adventure comics!
September 2nd, 2003: the moving comic

August 2003

August 29th, 2003: singing together for fun and profit
August 28th, 2003: over-specific stereotypes
August 27th, 2003: the aesthetics and beliefs of romanticism
August 25th, 2003: different ways to say "no"
August 22nd, 2003: dentists aren't really your friends
August 21st, 2003: a special talent
August 20th, 2003: jokes explained
August 19th, 2003: several advantages to amnesia
August 18th, 2003: that's funny
August 15th, 2003: appreciating beauty
August 14th, 2003: not an astronaut
August 13th, 2003: sudden disturbing realizations
August 12th, 2003: finite space in my brain
August 11th, 2003: it's pretty biological
August 8th, 2003: no sleep for me, thanks, i'm full
August 7th, 2003: alright, i was talking about my virginity
August 6th, 2003: i'd be wasting my money!
August 5th, 2003: a sudden change in genre
August 4th, 2003: why am i here?
August 1st, 2003: a mystery comic

July 2003

July 31st, 2003: platitudes
July 30th, 2003: comics from the future
July 29th, 2003: t-rex in: the search for god
July 28th, 2003: your mom's a librarian?
July 25th, 2003: oktoberfest
July 24th, 2003: the rules
July 23rd, 2003: the slang of today's youth culture
July 22nd, 2003: the fun of sharing secrets
July 21st, 2003: the metamorphazoid
July 18th, 2003: understanding comics? no thanks, chuckles
July 17th, 2003: science vs religion: round three - the monopoly on truth
July 16th, 2003: science vs religion: round two - play along with t-rex
July 15th, 2003: science vs religion: round one - science has all the answers again
July 14th, 2003: religion and science
July 11th, 2003: the special meal
July 10th, 2003: love and/or sex
July 9th, 2003: list of friends
July 8th, 2003: where to find a baby
July 7th, 2003: never lose a baby
July 4th, 2003: tv-style recap
July 3rd, 2003: pterrible babysitting
July 2nd, 2003: bouncer
July 1st, 2003: happy canada day

June 2003

June 30th, 2003: games of "scrabble"
June 27th, 2003: a certain dromiceiomimian friend of ours
June 26th, 2003: inconsistent bastards
June 25th, 2003: fallout
June 24th, 2003: think nothing of it, lovely
June 23rd, 2003: profound philosophical questions vs the story of how the keys were found
June 20th, 2003: onanism: a show of vocabulary descends into a masturbation joke
June 18th, 2003: a journey to the moon
June 17th, 2003: stern religious comics
June 16th, 2003: quit making out, you two
June 13th, 2003: lessons in humility: a comic
June 12th, 2003: understanding ethical relativism
June 11th, 2003: full of surprises
June 10th, 2003: compressed film comics IV
June 9th, 2003: do the dishes
June 6th, 2003: hilarious misunderstandings
June 5th, 2003: tony
June 4th, 2003: this is you!
June 2nd, 2003: guest week - darryl payne

May 2003

May 30th, 2003: guest week - the authors
May 29th, 2003: guest week - joey comeau and emily horne
May 28th, 2003: guest week - my dad randy, bruce firestone, matt plaumann
May 27th, 2003: guest week - mel tayler and darryl payne
May 26th, 2003: guest week - john dejong, eric, the "big e" and oliver t.c. brackenbury
May 23rd, 2003: guest week - magaly obas
May 22nd, 2003: guest week - victor north and amanda shiga
May 21st, 2003: guest week - victor north and amanda shiga
May 20th, 2003: guest week - victor north and chris bullee
May 19th, 2003: guest week - victor north and chris bullee
May 16th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 15th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 14th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 13th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 12th, 2003: guest week - patrick wisking
May 9th, 2003: the silent treatment
May 8th, 2003: people change
May 7th, 2003: everyone learn new languages
May 6th, 2003: (a)bort, (r)etry, (m)urder
May 5th, 2003: playing the pianer
May 2nd, 2003: i have surprised even myself
May 1st, 2003: choo

April 2003

April 30th, 2003: postcards from the edge
April 29th, 2003: compressed film comics ]|[
April 28th, 2003: depression comics: i wish i was never born!
April 25th, 2003: alternate ending comics
April 24th, 2003: no cussing (for real this time)
April 23rd, 2003: compressed pornography comics
April 22nd, 2003: all you can eat
April 21st, 2003: a list of phrases that you should never say
April 18th, 2003: the utahraptor "wigged out" yesterday
April 17th, 2003: trouble in paradise
April 16th, 2003: thoughts of mortality
April 15th, 2003: tolde with equal parts Flourish and Pædogogy
April 14th, 2003: adulterous affairs comics
April 11th, 2003: feed the dog
April 10th, 2003: "utah"?
April 9th, 2003: dino-pets
April 8th, 2003: his name means "tyrant lizard king" after all
April 7th, 2003: how quickly we find ourselves in the positions of adults
April 4th, 2003: secret handshakes and laffs a-plenty
April 3rd, 2003: good times
April 2nd, 2003: a window into his very soul
April 1st, 2003: april fools

March 2003

March 31st, 2003: discrete math
March 28th, 2003: sierra presents: dino quest i
March 27th, 2003: compressed relationship comics
March 26th, 2003: back on good old earth prime
March 25th, 2003: make a note of that, in my LOGS
March 24th, 2003: in a MANOR of speaking
March 21st, 2003: afterwards we'll discuss philosophy or something like that
March 20th, 2003: *gasp*
March 19th, 2003: LODGE a complaint
March 18th, 2003: a mirror universe, if you will
March 17th, 2003: hilarious differences between the sexes
March 14th, 2003: the secret to being loved
March 13th, 2003: the soundtrack to a life
March 12th, 2003: choose your own adventure: free will
March 11th, 2003: choose your own adventure: dinosaurus rex
March 10th, 2003: the portrait of a dinosaur in crisis
March 7th, 2003: i see all my relationships in economic terms
March 6th, 2003: reuters article
March 5th, 2003: dreams
March 4th, 2003: i have to say i love you, in a song
March 3rd, 2003: comics for the easily confused

February 2003

February 28th, 2003: awkward moments
February 27th, 2003: compressed film comics II
February 26th, 2003: two weeks later...
February 25th, 2003: i don't like where this one is going
February 24th, 2003: relationships take time and effort
February 21st, 2003: destruction justified via science
February 20th, 2003: compressed film comics I
February 19th, 2003: cornwall
February 18th, 2003: destruction is the natural response
February 17th, 2003: a shocking discovery
February 14th, 2003: happy valentine's day with two comics
February 13th, 2003: pointing out the failures of others
February 12th, 2003: utaught me how to be a stupid jerk!
February 11th, 2003: not being a utahraptor!
February 10th, 2003: if you call that living!
February 7th, 2003: an educational installment
February 6th, 2003: a flashback and a poem
February 5th, 2003: extraordinary claims
February 4th, 2003: lesbians!
February 3rd, 2003: i feel today that my actions will be charged with symbolism
February 2nd, 2003: a rare pleasure indeed
February 1st, 2003: today is a beautiful day